


Ten Months (2020 Version)

by Doodlekins



Series: Them Sad Bois (Aoiki series) [4]
Category: SCREW (Band), the GazettE (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bathroom Sex, Breaking Up & Making Up, Breathplay, Choking, Crying, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Undertones, Drinking, Edited, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grindr, I wrote this last year but I wasn't happy with it so here I am again, M/M, OPE - Freeform, Oral Sex, Public Sex, Smoking, aoiki, edited ending, ruki being a hoe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:34:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22997017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doodlekins/pseuds/Doodlekins
Summary: Yuu tries to push Takanori out of his head. Attempting to mend his heartbreak with expensive alcohol at a night club. A kind stranger offers his youthful wisdom and a shoulder to cry on. Armed with liquid courage Yuu is able to confess but can only watch as his love life crumbles before him.
Relationships: Aoi (the Gazette)/Kazuki (SCREW), Aoi/Ruki (the GazettE), Reita/Ruki (the GazettE), Ruki/Uruha (the GazettE)
Series: Them Sad Bois (Aoiki series) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1388545
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14





	1. Casual Affair

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all, I know I technically finished this fic last year but the ending just doesn't sit right with me. I've decided to go through and edit each chapter and fix everything. I will be deleting the other one soon. I'm just using it for reference for tags/chapter names/etc. I apologize to everyone that gave kudos and commented on the old version. I really appreciated it! I just need to set this right. I was not in a good place when I posted the last one and it definitely showed with the finished product. I worked really hard on the other parts of this Aoiki series so it is only fair that I work just as hard on this one. Thank you for reading it a second time! This will still be the last installment for the Them Sad Bois series.  
> thank you @luckytiger96 for being my beta the first time I posted this.

CHAPTER 1: CASUAL AFFAIR

Yuu tapped at the bar’s counter top as the bartender refilled his drink. The sticky surface coated his fingertips but he kept tapping, wanting the younger man to keep filling his glass up to the brim. He was already flushed in the face and feeling himself swaying to the raging dance music that pumped out of the house speakers. He had tried to dance a bit but felt so out of place. Everyone around him looked so fresh with baby faces that he felt guilty trying to persuade any pretty thing to dance with him. 

For now he sat slumped over on a barstool; deciding to just drink himself to death. Death felt within reach these past few weeks. The hole in his heart was ripping further and further open each time he saw Takanori. He couldn’t stop though. His lover was the first thing he thought of in the morning and the last thing he thought of as he drifted off to sleep. His laughter ringing in his ears and if Yuu closed his eyes he could almost imagine what it felt like to hold the blonde in his arms. 

He was gutted with each meeting. The last one really took its toll on him. He couldn’t replace the image of Takaknori hugging his arms to his chest or hearing those anguished sobs from the other side of the door. It was all too much and no matter how much Yuu threw himself into work or got shit faced with coworkers, he couldn’t shake that memory. He loved Takanori and it tore him to shreds knowing he was the cause of the young man’s pain. 

“Why the long face?” A hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his spiraling. He turned his head to look up at the person speaking to him. 

The man was clearly more than a decade younger than Yuu. He was perplexed why someone like him would worry about some old man. He obviously took great care in his appearance and as beads of sweat were dripping down his forehead; he still had perfectly applied makeup and no hair out of place. The abundance of piercings didn’t take away from the kindness of his wide smile. 

“Ah, it’s too much to explain.” He waved the younger man off and hunched his shoulders again. 

“You’re going to make yourself sick drinking like that.” He pointed at Yuu’s drink.

Yuu scoffed at him. “I’ll manage.” He assured before downing the whole glass of whiskey in one gulp. It burned his throat but it was nothing compared to his emotional pain. 

The younger man shook his head but took a seat next to Yuu at the bar. Waving a hand at the bartender to get his attention to order a drink for himself. 

“You going to tell me what’s wrong or do I have to pry it out of you?” He asked and Yuu just laughed right in his face. The alcohol making him loose lipped and unable to control it. 

“You really think I’m going to tell you? You’re too young to even understand.” 

“Try me.”

“What are you? Twenty? I could be your dad for all you know.”

“My dad isn’t drinking himself to death at a gay bar so try again.” The younger man leaned forward to rest his chin on his hand while smiling to himself. He had such a carefree aura about him. 

Yuu groaned as he turned his glass around on the little paper napkin that was so soaked from condensation that it was breaking in pieces with every rotation. The bartender had returned with a vodka soda for the younger man and blatantly ignored Yuu’s request for another refill.

Yuu gripped onto the glass so tightly that his knuckles flushed white before he gave in. There wasn’t any use. It’s not like this stranger would remember him. “I’m seeing someone. Sort of.” He cocked his head to the side. “We promised no feelings but. Well, you can put it together.”

The other man nodded and sucked on the glow in the dark straw stuffed between all the ice of his drink. “Aren’t feelings always involved?” 

“No, not always. He’s different.”

“Different how?”

“He’s a snarky little asshole but I fell for him. He told me not to but I did anyway.”

“Hm. He told you not to fall in love with him.” The man smirked around his straw as Yuu glared at him. 

“I know that. That’s why it’s my own fault and why I am here. I want to pick up someone and forget about him.” Yuu scanned his eyes around the room. All the faces were hard to make out with the pulsing flash of lights and arms waving around to the beat of the music. Despite all that there was still a chance he could find someone to take home. Someone to comfort him during these dark times and help him erase Takanori from his mind.

“You’re not going to find anyone looking this sad.” The stranger poked at Yuu’s arm trying to get the other man to lighten up a little. Yuu let a small smirk form as he brought his attention away from the crowd. 

“You’re right. I’m Yuu.” He held his hand out for a handshake. 

“I’m Kazuki.”

“That’s such a fake name.”

“Like I’m going to give out my real name at a bar. I’m not dumb.” Kazuki teased and Yuu couldn’t help but laugh. 

“No, you’re not dumb. You’re a lot smarter than me since I gave you my real name. You could expose me.” 

“Nah, I couldn’t do that to a sweet guy like you. I would feel guilty.”

They sat at the bar for awhile. Asking one another light hearted questions. Yuu would admit, it felt nice to chat with someone. Especially someone as attractive as Kazuki who was all smiles and enthusiastic gestures as he spoke about his life. Yuu almost forgot that they were strangers. Something felt so comforting about Kazuki’s aura that Yuu felt at ease as they spoke. 

Eventually the bartender refilled Yuu’s drink after he had finished a glass of water. By now Yuu was feeling that swaying of comfort that heavy liquor always did to him. He kept leaning in to hear Kazuki better as he shouted over the music. Smelling the other man’s cologne was enticing as he felt himself slipping into his own mind while unintentionally ignoring what Kazuki was saying. 

“Wanna dance?” Yuu blurted out right in the middle of Kazuki talking. Who only chuckled and shook his head. 

“No! You’ll fall all over the place. Sitting is safer.” 

“Please?” Yuu begged, adding a pout for emphasis. He clasped his hands together in a pleading gesture while his eyes couldn’t seem to focus on just one thing. 

Kazuki tilted his head to the side as he sipped at his drink. Trying to come up with the pros and cons of this. Sure, he found Yuu attractive but he was already very drunk and already a bit clumsy just sitting at the bar. Going out on the floor would be suicide but it did sound fun. Sitting was making him stir with anxious energy. 

“Alright, fuck it, but if you fall it’s your own fault!” He stood up and offered a hand for Yuu to take. 

Yuu smiled as he let Kazuki lead them just into the first few rows of people in the crowd. The space was tight and they were really letting loose. Several people already bumped into them but it was all in good fun. Yuu kept grinning from ear to ear as Kazuki slowly started moving to the beat. It was ringing in their ears and pounding inside their chests. Yuu wasn’t sure if his dancing could be anything but comical but Kazuki didn’t turn him away so he kept going. The two of them getting closer and closer as the bodies around them started closing in. 

With the flashing neon lights it was like Kazuki’s smile glowed for the whole room to see. He had his hands above his head as his hips swirled around and Yuu couldn’t help but reach out to pull him closer. Yuu gave Kazuki a moment to push him away if he had overstepped his bounds. He might be drunk but he knew consent. Within seconds Kazuki was sliding his leg between Yuu’s as he placed his hands on Yuu’s shoulders. Invading his space as they started to grind against each other. A smidge of contact that Yuu had been craving so much since his last meeting with Takanori. 

Takanori. 

Yuu’s heart dropped down to his stomach again. He fought it though. He kept a firm grip on Kazuki’s hips that swayed to the music but it felt so wrong. Like puzzle pieces that fit but the images wouldn’t meld into one. The alcohol fueled lust was there as they practically dry humped one another but the passion was not. Yuu wanted Kazuki to be his Takanori. He wanted his short lover to be pressing his leg between his and grinding his hard cock against his thigh. He wanted to see Takanori smirk at him under the lights as they eye fucked each other on the dance floor. Staring into Kazuki’s deep brown eyes didn’t feel the same. It was too soon. Yuu pulled away at once. 

Kazuki seemed to know exactly what was going through Yuu’s mind. His face softened and he took Yuu’s hand to pull him out of the crowd. He wasn’t upset, he was honestly surprised Yuu didn’t stop earlier but he didn’t know what the older man needed. Some people need intimacy and closeness to ease their pain and some just need a shoulder to lean on. He led Yuu back to the bar where their empty stools had been left. 

“I’m sorry.” Yuu’s voice dropped as he took his spot again. 

“Don’t be.” He assured. 

“I want to get over him. Takanori.” 

“I know, it’s hard, maybe you need more time?”

“I don’t know how much longer I can handle this hurt.”

“I think.” Kazuki paused because he did not like meddling in other people’s business. It wasn’t his place but clearly Yuu needed some help. He needed some guidance since his own stubbornness wasn’t helping. “You should tell him how you feel. What you need. If he can’t give that to you, then it’s best to part ways.” 

Yuu snorted a laugh as he rubbed his eyes with the tips of his fingers. Smearing his makeup even more. “How did you get so wise?” 

Kazuki shrugged as he offered a kind smile to Yuu. “Call him.” 

Yuu stared down at his eyeliner covered hands. Wondering if he even had the courage to express his feelings. The last time he confessed was so many years ago and that didn’t go smoothly. 

“I’ll get you another drink. Call him.” Kazuki signaled for the bartender who was pretty reluctant to give them more liquor but when Kazuki flashed some big bills, the bartender was more than willing. 

Yuu pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked the screen. Scrolling down his contacts till he got to ‘Nori’ with a winking face emoji. He couldn’t bring himself to hit call until Kazuki shoved a shot of clear liquor into his hand. He was already plenty drunk but another shot sounded nice. He downed it quickly. His nose scrunching up at the sour taste was the moment he had the courage to press call before bringing the speaker up to his ear. 

The phone rang a few times as Yuu shut his eyes. He covered his other ear with his hand since the background music was drowning out the trilling ring. 

The ringing stopped and some shuffling could be heard on the other end till a very sleepy sounding Takanori answered. “Hello?”

“Nori?” Yuu could already feel his repressed pain bubbling up his throat. Already on the verge of tears again as he imagined Takanori sleeping peacefully until his call. 

“What do you want, Yuu?” The tone was harsh and Yuu felt that sharp sting of bitterness in his voice. 

“I just, I wanted to talk to you.” He stuttered a little towards the end and had to clear his throat. Kazuki placed a gentle hand on his shoulder for comfort. 

“Yuu, it’s late.” Takanori was angry, it was already nearing one in the morning and he was tucked into his bed. 

“Please, Nori. Please. I just need to tell you. I have to.” Yuu was sputtering out his words as he felt the anguish of all his pent up feelings start to come forth. He had tried so hard to hold it all in. Be a man and not show how hurt he was but hearing Takanori’s cold voice on the other end reminded him that he wasn’t strong. He was weak and couldn’t stand to feel this way anymore. 

“What are you talking about?” Takanori harshly said into the phone as Yuu sobbed on the other end. 

“You need to listen to me. I- I- I can’t do this alone.” He choked out a sob before burying his head into his hands. 

Kazuki pried the phone out of Yuu’s hands. “Hi, is this Takanori?”

“Yes? Why? Who are you?” 

“I think Yuu needs someone to come get him. He’s been crying into his drink and I don’t think he will be able to make it home.”

Takanori pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I don’t have time for this. Where is he?”


	2. Collar Full

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter has been edited! Thank you for being patient with me. Chapter 3 is going to have the most editing so it might take me a few days but I promise it will be up soon. Please enjoy what I've tweaked for this one!

CHAPTER 2: COLLAR FULL

After getting the address Takanori grabbed a Lyft and made the almost hour long journey to the bar. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He swore off seeing Yuu ever again and now he was on his way to collect him. Yuu liked to drink but he has never been this shit faced and called him up. Maybe a little buzzed. A little flirty. Never sobbing into his phone level of drunk. 

Takanori tensed up as the driver pulled off onto the side of the road. Takanori left a hefty tip on the app and got out without saying a word. It was raining pretty harshly and his cardigan was starting to soak through. The bar wasn’t as easy to find as he had hoped. Nestled in an alleyway without any kind of advertisement. The muffled dance music was all he had to go by. What was Yuu doing in such a trendy club? He pegged Yuu as someone to drink amongst the day workers and grandpas that huddled in masses at the local pub. 

Once inside the dance music was much louder than he anticipated. The pulse of the bass beating in his ribcage with every step he took further inside. He used the hem of his shirt to try and wipe away the rain droplets that covered his glasses but all he did was smear it around. 

There at the end of the bar was Yuu. Slumped over on the counter while another man sat beside him sipping on his drink. It was an odd sight and Takanori was apprehensive about approaching just yet.

He slid into an open seat at the other end of the bar. It was crowded so he was certain Yuu wouldn’t see him from over here. Especially with how he was crying so hard. His tears were glistening against the flashing multicolor lights and it made Takanori’s shoulders tense up. 

The overall atmosphere was very over the top. Loud. Colorful. Crass. It was clearly a young person’s bar and Takanori was starting to regret his state of dress. His expensive designer cardigan clashed with his sweat pants and oversized bed shirt. He hadn’t thought twice about his clothes when he had left in a hurry to come collect Yuu. He pulled the sides of the cardigan closer to himself to try and hide his poor fashion choices. 

He continued to watch from his hiding in plain sight spot at the bar. Yuu had clearly tried tonight with his appearance. He wore a black silk shirt and pulled his hair back. Only letting some of the front fall to frame his face. He would have looked delectable at any other moment. The sloppy drunk sobbing into his hands was clearly a turn off to the other patrons. His eyeliner was smearing around his eyes and making him look ghostly in this dark setting. 

No matter how much Yuu cried the man beside him never side eyed him like the rest of the bar. Every few seconds he would squeeze his hand over Yuu’s shoulder and say a few words into his ear. It was an innocent gesture but Takanori could feel his guts twisting. He wasn’t jealous. It was something like he wanted to be the one to console his lover. He wanted to be the one whispering kind words in his ear. Not some pretty young thing that was obviously years younger than Takanori. Maybe Yuu had a thing for young guys? Maybe that was his pattern? Maybe Takanori was just another plaything to keep Yuu feeling youthful?

Takanori waved down the bartender as he was making his rounds down the bar. 

“What can I get for you?” He asked, half yelled. 

“Hey, how long has that guy at the end of the bar been here?” Takanori leaned his upper body across the sticky countertop. 

The bartender scoffed. “That guy?” He glanced over his shoulder at Yuu before slowly shaking his head. “He’s been here since we opened. He’s not going to pick anyone up crying over some guy.” 

Some guy? Takanori could feel his face heating up as he tried to control his anger. He wasn’t just some guy to Yuu. Takanori looked back at Yuu as he took another gulp of amber liquid while the other person beside him checked his phone again. 

It was now or never so Takanori thanked the bartender before getting off the stool. He straightened his clothes and tried to comb some fingers through his hair but it was already frizzing up on the ends and resembling a birds nest at this point. He approached the two of them cautiously. The closer he got, the more dread filled his heart. 

“Hi! Are you Takanori?” That same chipper voice in the phone beamed from beside Yuu. 

“Yeah, I am.” He could hardly make eye contact with the stranger. Yuu was quietly sobbing into his arms and didn’t even take notice that he was here. 

“Good, Yuu is a mess. Please make sure he gets home safe.” His sharp tone was nicking through his polite mannerisms.

Takanori was baffled, he didn’t understand what was going on. Why was this person so concerned about Yuu? Why was he being so rude but in the nicest way? All that Takanori could focus on was Yuu crying at the bar from over Kazuki’s shoulder. 

“Thank you for taking care of him.” He tried to show some gratitude to the stranger before watching the younger man disappear back into the crowd. He was left to deal with Yuu and wasn’t sure what to do. The man he loved to his core was sobbing uncontrollably at the bar. He grabbed Yuu's shirt and yanked him to sit up. Yuu looked angry until his eyes widened in shock.

“Nori!” Yuu slurred before throwing his arms around Takanori’s shoulders. 

“Come on, it’s time to get you home.” He tried to keep a level head but it was hard seeing Yuu’s face brighten over his presence. 

“I need to finish my drink.” He clumsily grabbed at his half full glass but Takanori yanked it away first. Gulping the sour liquid down and placing it back on the counter. 

“It’s gone, let’s pay your tab and go.” He waved down the bartender again and offered over his credit card. The amount was ridiculous and he wanted to yell at Yuu for costing him so much but now was not the time or the place. He signed his name on the receipt and pulled Yuu to his feet. Which was a difficult task as Yuu’s legs buckled and he nearly cracked his chin on the bar counter if Takanori hadn’t yanked him away. The way Yuu was slumped over on Takanori was a sight to see. Their height difference made it all the harder for Takanori to get him to stand up straight but eventually he helped Yuu outside. 

It was still lightly raining and Yuu stared straight up at the sky. Letting the rain droplets mix with his tears. He started laughing to himself and Takanori was dumbstruck over this rapid moodswing. They walked a few paces away from the door and took shelter under an awning so Takanori could lean him against the wall. His heavy body thumping against the rusted siding as he kept losing his footing. He really was shit faced and there was no way he could have made it home. Maybe it was a good thing that stranger was looking out for Yuu. 

“Ok, Yuu.” He tried to get his attention but Yuu’s head was slumped over as his smile diminished. “Where do you live?” 

“Around.” Yuu waved a hand before he patted his pockets. Getting out a pack of cigarettes that were crushed in their flimsy box. 

“Jesus Christ. You have to tell me, I don’t know where you live.” 

“I can make it home.” He slurred while putting a menthol between his lips. Struggling with his lighter several times until Takanori yanked it out of his hands to light it for him. 

“No, you can’t. I’m not leaving you alone. So tell me which way to go.” He handed back the lighter as Yuu took a long drag. Carelessly blowing the smoke right in Takanori’s face because he knew it would make the other man mad. Takanori wanted to slap the shit out of him for that but he held it in and tightened his fists to keep himself rational.

“Fuck it, fine.” Yuu pushed himself from the wall and nearly fell again as he slung an arm over Takanori’s shoulder for support. He had to hunch over and Takanori tried his best to bear the weight Yuu was forcing upon him as they headed down the street. 

It was a long walk and Takanori wondered if they should have gotten a ride but Yuu kept walking so Takanori stayed silent. Pushing against the weight and threading his fingers with Yuu’s. His gaudy rings dug into Takanori’s skin as Yuu squeezed his hand so tightly. Like he was scared he would leave him again. Takanori couldn’t do such a thing now. He was too invested in whatever this was between them. 

They eased further into the outskirts of the city. The rain was letting up to a cool mist that gave some relief from the humidity that hung around even into the night. The pools of rainwater were illuminated under the streetlights. Leaving a sparkle as the misting rain danced on the edges. It felt strange being in this area. This was Yuu’s neighbrohood and Takanori wasn’t sure if he felt welcome in this space that Yuu was so adamant about keeping him away from. 

Turning a corner Yuu pulled them to a stop as he started digging in his pants pocket for his keys. The building looked newly renovated as the concrete had no flaws or cracks. Not even a stain from the heavy pollution that suffocated the town. Yuu got out a ring of keys and fumbled with the outer lock that let them into an open floor lobby. A security guard was perched behind a desk with a book opened up before him as he read by lamplight. He glanced up from his book to politely nod in their direction as they passed by. 

Yuu punched at the elevator up button as he kept his gaze down at his feet. The room was so quiet that every little tick of the clock above the security desk echoed against the walls. It was sending Takanori into a frenzy as he looked around the room before settling on Yuu. Who’s eyes looked glossed over as if he would cry again. 

Yuu didn’t want Takanori to see where he lived. He didn’t want to show this side of himself but it was no use. His blonde lover had taken the time to fetch him in this state and made sure he made it home safely. He wondered why Takanori did it anyways? Was he doing it because he felt sorry for him? Yuu was in a rigid state and could feel his head swimming as they entered the empty elevator. 

Yuu leaned against the side of the wall as he grasped the metal bar that was ice cold to the touch. When the doors closed, he pushed the floor number labeled ‘5.’ Takanori only observed from behind those adorable glasses. Yuu wanted to kiss him so bad and pour out all his soul but felt it was no use. Takanori never cared enough to open himself up. Never wanted to try and love Yuu the way that he needed. 

The elevator lurched to a halt and the doors slowly opened to the dimly lit hallway that led to Yuu’s apartment. Takanori let Yuu exit first as he followed behind. Yuu already had a hand out to run against the textured walls. His fingers bumping over door frames and metal name plates. It was sickening to him that Takanori was seeing this hidden side of him. As if showing his emotions wasn’t enough. He was gutted over this as he unlocked his front door. 

Takanori had spilled over into all aspects of his life and there was nothing he could do to stop it. 

This was the first time Takanori had ever been inside Yuu’s apartment. It was pretty small but still nice for the location. Probably cost a hefty sum just for the view alone but Takanori tried not to think too hard on it. Instead he helped Yuu out of his shoes at the entryway before Yuu collapsed on the floor when he missed the step. 

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed.” Offering a hand out for Yuu. 

“No, I’m fine.” Yuu whined while pushing away at Takanori’s hands. 

“Yuu, please. I can’t carry you.” 

“You don’t love me.” Yuu blurted out. His eyes were already welling up with tears as he stared up at Takanori from the floor. It was such a shift in his mood that it took Takanori awhile to process his words. 

“Of course I love you, you stupid fucking idiot. Would I have come all this way if I didn’t love you?” He tried to grab Yuu's hands again but the other man yanked them away.

“You’ll never love me.” He sobbed. 

“What in the fuck, Yuu?” Takanori was about to pull his hair out. He was getting so frustrated with Yuu’s actions and words. “If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t be here dealing with this shit. Let’s get you to bed.”

Yuu had both hands out to brace himself as he pushed himself to his feet. His knees buckled and his hand smacked into the hallway closet as he tried to take a step. Takanori was right there, already pulling Yuu’s arm over his shoulder to guide him down the entryway. Tears were streaming down Yuu’s face now but he didn’t let out a single sound. In Takanori’s opinion it was terrifying that someone could cry this way. He had seen it before but it still left him in a state of shock. 

Going down the small hallway led to one bedroom. It was tiny. Not much furniture but the walls were covered in photographs. Another startling realization because Takanori had grown so used to his bare walls that seeing so many memories of someone’s life was adding another seed of guilt. He never took the time to process that Yuu had friends, family, and people that loved him. Takanori never once considered Yuu’s life outside of them hooking up. 

Takanori tried to pull the blankets down but Yuu collapsed onto the bed. Face first with his arms tucked at his sides. 

“Fucking Christ, Yuu.” Takanori cursed some more under his breath as he tried to roll him over to work the blanket out from under his heavy body. It was no use; Yuu this intoxicated was dead weight no matter how much Takanori yanked on the blankets. He was already passed out with his face squished against the comforter. The seams of the fabric would leave ugly lines on his face by morning. 

Takanori felt compelled to stay. He didn’t want Yuu to roll over and choke on his own vomit or something horrible like that. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something were to happen. 

Quietly he took off his rain soaked cardigan and placed it on the back of the computer chair at the desk. The iMac sitting on the desk was all too inviting. Begging for Takanori to snoop some more into Yuu’s private life. He would bet that Yuu’s password would be something easy like ‘password’ or ‘password123’ but giving it a second thought, Takanori left it. He didn’t know why he suddenly wanted to know more about Yuu’s life but he didn’t want it like that. He wanted to hear it from Yuu. 

He carefully crawled into the bed as he tried to wiggle his way under the covers. The movement made Yuu stir a little in his sleep. With his eyes still closed Yuu let out a pained groan as he shifted from side to side to pull himself up towards the headboard where the pillows were. Yuu knew he was in his room but everything was spinning inside of his head that he was afraid to open his eyes. Feeling the bed dip beside him made his stomach tense up but the soft fingers brushing the hair away from his face was soothing. Exhaling a quiet hum Yuu relaxed into the gentle touch while feeling himself drift off again. 

Takanori stayed still as he gazed up at Yuu’s sleeping face for a few moments. Reminiscing about the first time he ever got to watch Yuu sleep. When they had hooked up in that seedy hotel right before Christmas. They had known so little about each other then. Within ten months Takanori had learned the cigarette brand that Yuu never went without. The way his footfalls would sound like a herd of elephants as he crept his way into the bathroom in the dark. Even the subtle way he would clear his throat when he was conflicted on what to say. Deciding to fill the space with a curt sound that almost sounded rude until Takanori decoded his mannerisms. All of this was too much information about a person that Takanori tried to keep at a distance. 

With a heavy sigh, Takanori took off his glasses to set them on the overcrowded night stand before turning off the lamp, suddenly plunging the room in complete darkness. In Takanori’s apartment the streetlights would filter in through the blinds, offering a sense of security by casting soft light over the room. It was too dark for his comfort so Takanori shut his eyes tight as he tried to will himself to sleep. 

Lacking any sort of grace, Yuu wormed his arm over to wrap around Takanori’s middle. He was still in a hazy middle state just before sleep and wanted the warmth of the other man as comfort. He loved how Takanori felt so small against him. The way his hair smelled when he would bury his nose in the ruffled curls. Takanori wanted to fight it and move away but couldn’t help himself from enjoying the warm embrace. Feeling his neck prickle up with every hot breath coming from Yuu’s open mouth as they cuddled. Quiet snoring coming from Yuu was what finally put Takanori at ease. He could feel himself being carried away into a dreamless sleep as Yuu’s chest vibrated from his snoring against Takanori’s back.

Before they knew it; morning sunrise was slowly filling the room. The curtains hid most of it but just under the hem a sliver of daylight could be seen. Peeking in to greet them for a new day that neither of them were quite ready for. Yuu groaned as his body ached from head to toe. The nights of nearly drinking himself to death were starting to catch up. Every night he would go to sleep with the pain of his shattered heart dulled with liquor but every morning the pain returned with a vengeance. Making him wonder if he should end it all to stop the cycle. 

“Morning.” Takanori whispered as he reached for his glasses on the nightstand. The clattering of objects falling off the sides made Yuu groan and rub the heels of his palms against his shut eyes. It was like an ice pick was being jammed through his corneas and into his brain. The sandpaper that replaced his eyelids threatened to scratch his eyes raw till they bled. Acidity was bubbling up inside his stomach and he wondered if he would spend the whole morning hugging the toilet bowl praying to any god that would listen.

“Morning.” He whispered while grabbing at his pillow to shove it over his face. Blocking out the small amount of light coming into the room and muffling the noise that made his ears ring. 

“Do you want some pain killers?” Takanori asked, he would have gotten them already but he wasn’t sure where they would be. 

Pulling the pillow away a smidge Yuu hoarsely muttered under his breath, “Please. They’re in the bathroom.” 

Takanori hummed a reply as he tried to slowly stand up. Despite being careful the bed shook from the movement which only made Yuu’s head spin even more. The only other room in the apartment was right across the hall but the state of the bathroom made Takanori scrunch his nose up in disgust. The amount of grime that was accumulating on the sink was repulsive. A slew of skincare and bath products littered the small amount of counter space. Towels were sloppily hung up on the rack beside the shower while a pile of clothes were bunched up in the corner. It resembled a bathroom of a young college student more than a grown man. 

Inside the cabinet he found a painkiller bottle and took a few out to give to his hungover lover. Putting the pills back he shut the water spotted mirror. Taking a moment to glance over his reflection. He looked so exhausted. The rings around his eyes are so dark and prominent against his pale skin. Even his glasses couldn’t hide the deep sadness that settled into his eyes.

Hunching his shoulders in defeat he quietly walked over to the small kitchen to grab a glass of water. What he hadn’t noticed the night before were the crushed beer cans and empty liquor bottles that piled in the sink and overflowed onto the counter space. Leaving the fake marble tacky with residue that Takanori wouldn’t dare touch. The evidence was all there of Yuu’s spiral down a dark and dangerous pit. He might not be letting Takanori see but the proof of his destruction was there. 

Maybe it was best that Takanori had never seen this side of Yuu.

After filling up a glass with some water he made his way back to the room where Yuu was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. The hardest part of a hangover for Yuu was getting himself up. If he got himself up and moving with some painkillers in his system it wasn’t too hard to fake being whole. He could put on a smile and fool every person in his life that there was no need to worry. A master of disguising that he was just moments away from a breakdown. 

“Oh good, you’re sitting up.” Takanori handed him the pills and a glass of water. When Yuu finally lifted his head up to look at him it was a haunting sight. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with eyeliner that didn’t do any favors for his deepened dark circles. The crows feet that wrinkled the skin around his eyes were filled with smeared makeup. Cracked and tapering off at the ends that truly aged him so many years. 

“I wish I was dead.” The tone of Yuu’s raspy voice made it hard to tell if he was joking or serious. He gave a lopsided smile to Takanori as he swallowed the pills. His throat was so raw that even swallowing hurt. The coolness of the water wasn’t able to soothe no matter how much he gulped down. Some of it spilled down the sides of his mouth but he couldn’t be bothered. He let the coldness leave trails down his neck before Takanori reached out to wipe it away with his hand.

“Don’t we all?” Takanori tried to offer a smile since he wasn’t really sure what to say after something so casual but heavy. 

They sat there just taking in the silence. There was so much that each of them wanted to say but didn’t know how to start it. Yuu would rehearse inside of his head what he wanted to tell Takanori but every time he opened his mouth it was like the words got stuck behind his teeth. The pounding in his head was a reminder of how much he was destroying himself in this not-relationship he was so wrapped up in. The suffering that Takanori could see in Yuu’s eyes was a reminder of just how much he had fucked it all up. 

Yuu breathed deeply as he tried to gather all the strength left in his worn out body. The booze, the late nights, the stress, it was eating him alive from the inside out. He turned a little on the bed so that he could face Takanori who had taken the empty spot beside him. 

“Nori, I really do love you.” He spoke first. 

Takanori sighed as he reached out to take Yuu’s hand. This was not his first time being confessed to but this surely was one that would leave the biggest impact. “I know, Yuu.”

“Why won’t you say it back?” He needed to know. He needed to know why he was so unworthy of love. 

“It’s not that. I just can’t. With all of this.”

“I don’t understand. I know I’m older but-” Yuu started to explain but Takanori cut him off.

“It’s not that. I just. Can’t. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Who hurt you enough that you can’t love me?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, it does. I want to kick his ass.” Yuu felt his lips tug into a smile when Takanori chuckled at his remark.

“It was a long, long time ago.” Takanori emphasised but Yuu just shook his head. 

“Doesn’t matter. I want a name.”

Takanori raked his hands through his hair. He hated being confronted in this manner. He locked up this part of himself and never let a single soul see past this line. He kept it shut tight where no one could catch a glimpse. Maybe it was time to let go. Let someone see his pain that he carried inside his heart for over a decade. 

“His name was Kouyou and I loved him. So much.” A weight lifted off his shoulders the second he uttered that vile name. It left a bitter taste on his tongue and the stomach acid bubbling in his gut did not do him any favors. The anguish of their breakup had been bottled up inside but now the seal was broken. The past was escaping in a loud hiss as Takanori felt his guts twist into knots. 

Yuu reached out and took Takanori’s hand so gently into his. Holding it so that their fingers laced together. “What happened?” He genuinely asked. 

When Takanori went to speak only a choked sob came out. It was like his feelings were strangling him. He thought he was over it but something about just saying that name brought everything to the surface. He wanted to flee. His fight or flight really struggled to make a wise decision. 

“Take your time.” Yuu scooted closer to Takanori on the bed. The blankets that had once been up to their chests were now pushed down to their feet in a messy heap. Yuu placed his arm around Takanori’s thin waist to comfort him as he quietly cried beside him. He had always seen his lover as someone strong. Uncaring. It was clear now that those barriers were put up as a way to protect himself. 

“I was young.” Takanori wiped his eyes from behind his glasses. With every blink new tears came to the surface and his hand was soaked by the time he caught his breath. “He made me believe he loved me but he lied. He lied so much. He was my everything and I was just so fucking stupid.” He sniffled a little while Yuu rubbed his back. 

“We make a lot of mistakes when we are young.” Yuu stated. Young love was something beautiful and vial. It made people do the worst things. Experience unable to assist as stepping stones that can only be found through time. 

“Doesn’t matter. I wasted so many years of my life on him and he just left me hanging dry. He didn’t even break up with me. I came home and his stuff was gone. I never heard from him again.” Takanori couldn’t stop now. It was like a record was playing that kept the confessions coming like rapid fire. He hadn’t spoken of any of this to anyone in so long. His own parents didn’t know. None of his friends knew because Takanori did the only thing he knew how to do: Disappear. 

Yuu’s heart ached for Takanori. He couldn't even begin to imagine the despair of such a messy breakup. Whoever this Kouyou was, deserved the worst karma. How could someone leave their partner without a proper goodbye? It didn’t make any sense. 

“I sympathize with your pain. That didn’t happen to me but I understand how much it can hurt when you lose someone you care about.” Yuu took his hand tip Takanori’s chin up to look at him. Those brown eyes still so beautiful even when full of tears. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t love anyone ever again.”

“No, Yuu. I just can’t open up like that anymore.”

It was a dreaded amount of silence. Yuu felt himself choking up with emotions while Takanori stared at him with such sunken eyes that the dread only increased with every passing second.

“Please.” Yuu begged. Tears spilling out from his eyes as his lower lip shook. “Just let me go if you aren’t going to love me. I can’t take it anymore.” A choked out sob just added to the helplessness of it all. The way his tears slid down his cheeks was a true testament to how hopeless he felt with all the emotions he tried to smother. 

“Yuu.” Takanori reached out for Yuu’s hand but he yanked it away. Not wanting something that could cause his emotions to spiral. 

“God, Takanori, do you even get it? Do you even get how much this hurts?” Yuu wiped at his eyes and stared off towards the wall. Trying to gather himself. Not let his pain override his emotions. 

“This hurts me too!” He raised his voice. “I can’t stand to see you hurt like this. I just want to make it better.”

“I’m too old for games, Nori. I can’t hide the fact that I am nearing forty. I can’t keep fucking around like this. I love you, I really do, but you need to decide if you want to be with me or not. I can’t put myself through this anymore.” Yuu hated that he was aging but it was a fact. He needed to quit being so careless and start to think about long term goals for his life. 

“Yuu I can’t just decide. This is too much.” Takanori was so conflicted. He loved Yuu but what could he do about the drastic differences in their wants and needs. 

“You’ve had months! Months!” Yuu had a crazed look in his eyes as he stressed his words. 

“I know, okay! I know.” Takanori was on the verge of crying and he hated crying in front of anyone. It was a display of weakness and this wasn’t what he wanted. 

“I can’t do it anymore. You need to pick. We’ve been doing this shit for almost a year and I’m so fucking tired, Nori. I can’t sleep. I drink to try and forget you but I can’t stay away. So you need to decide if you’re in this or you aren’t. Are you even happy?” Yuu’s voice was dripping with anger even as he cried. He was so angry for all the shit he put himself through. He should have known better than to message Takanori. His own weaknesses proved to be too hard to handle. 

Takanori sniffled a little as he wiped at his eyes again. He didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted to be happy but that was such a foreign concept to him. He wasn’t able to remember the last time he was truly content with his life. Filling his life with work and quickies with strangers was only small little blips of joy in a sea of isolation and low self worth. 

“Sometimes.” He began, “Sometimes I wonder if I regret what we did on the plane. I regret giving you my number. I regret being with you.” 

That was it. That was the final nail on the coffin. Such a vile phrase that made Yuu recoil with shame but still he found himself laughing. His shoulders shaking as he couldn’t stop. Trying to hide his pain as he felt sorry for himself. Sorry that he believed this whole facade for ten months. 

“Well, there’s your answer. I think you should leave.” Yuu pulled the covers back as he got out of bed. A little shaky on his feet but he walked with heavy footfalls to the other side of the bed. Takanori knew just how to hurt him and this was going to be something he never forgot. His patience had been worn so thin that he was amazed he kept it up for this long. Believing all these lies that he greedily ate up before being slapped in the face with reality. At least his heartache could be replaced with anger. 

“What? No, we need to talk about this.” Takaknori wouldn’t budge even as Yuu tugged on his arm. The laugh from Yuu after he gave that confession was startling and a little concerning since it was obviously used in self defense. 

“You said what needed to be said. You regret it and I’m done with this shit.” 

“No! Yuu!” Takanori raised his voice as Yuu yanked him out of bed. Almost letting him fall to the floor but even if Yuu was angry he wasn’t that much of a jerk. He held onto Takanori’s elbow until he steadied himself. 

“I’m done! Okay? Done!” Yuu walked out of the room as Takanori hastily grabbed at his things. 

“Please!” He begged as he followed after Yuu who was now at the doorway waiting for him. 

“What, Nori? What in the fucking world could you possibly want?”

“I- I-” He stuttered as the tears poured down his face. He felt so helpless standing here in the entryway looking at everything he was losing. “I want you.” 

Yuu scoffed as he rolled his eyes. “No you don’t. We shouldn’t see each other anymore.” 

“Yuu, please listen.” Takanori begged as Yuu tossed him his shoes. 

“No, Nori! I’m done. You know, I wanted to marry you. I wanted to give you everything but I was just an idiot to believe I could turn what we had into something meaningful.”

Takanori choked a little on his sobs. Him? Marriage? It felt like such a foreign concept but the fact that Yuu wanted to marry him was burning a pit in his stomach. He didn’t think of himself worthy of the thought of marriage. 

“Yuu, please.” He begged once more as he held all his belongings in his arms. Standing like a lost child in the entryway openly crying. As much as he tried to hide how he felt it was like an open faucet freely pouring out of him. Soaking his face and neck in hot tears.

“I’m sorry, unless you can do this with me, I don’t want to waste our time. Please leave.” Yuu could no longer look Takanori in the eyes. Settling to look past his shoulder because he knew he would start crying too if he didn’t. If he looked into those deep brown eyes that were filled with tears he wouldn’t be able to hold his ground. 

Takanori wanted to speak. He could see that even as Yuu tried to keep a level head that his eyes were just as full of sadness as his. What they had was meant to be brief and they went against the grain. Desperate to hold onto this illusion that slipped through their fingers like sand. 

“Okay, I’ll go. I’m sorry.” Takanori dropped his shoes to the floor as he slipped his feet inside while under Yuu’s watchful gaze. Even as Takanori walked past he could feel himself caving. Wanting to say all the things he hid but finding it too hard to confess. If he spoke of what he felt then that made these feelings real. It would leave him exposed and vulnerable. 

Yuu opened the front door and watched Takanori leave without saying a word to him. He was beyond hurt at this point and didn’t want to waste anymore time. It was going to take many months to undo the hurt of this fling. 

Takanori flinched when the door slammed shut behind him. He didn’t know but Yuu was on the other side sobbing into his hands as he felt himself unraveling the tight knot of deception. He wanted to believe that Takanori did love him. Maybe he did but it wasn’t the kind of love that Yuu needed. He wanted a partner to share these special moments of his life with. Takanori had made it clear that he was not cut out for this and Yuu needed to accept it. He might not accept it today or tomorrow but with time maybe he could ease the pain. Not forget but to become at peace again as life finds a way to dull heartache over time.


	3. Chapter 3: Nicotine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takanori tries to distract himself after a terrible breakup. If you can't get over someone, might as well get under someone new. Grindr helps make that happen while Takanori deals with an unfortunate social media incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to take so long! No beta this time so it might be a little rough around the edges. I hope the 14 pages of content make the wait worth it!  
> I'm still keeping the theme of P!atD songs as chapter titles. Just had to change them around a little to fit the new content.

Takanori tried to walk down the hall. His heart crumbled into pieces inside his ribcage with each step. Eyes filled with tears that blurred his surroundings. The pale beige walls muddling together with the steel doors. With shaky footsteps he made it to the elevator. Punching the down button with a closed fist. He needed to leave. He needed to forget Yuu. To cleanse himself of this heartache that has become a burden. He wouldn’t let himself be the weak one. 

Even as the elevator pinged to signal its arrival, Takanori couldn’t step inside. Something was eating at him. Guilt? Shame? He wasn’t sure. The doors opened to reveal emptiness and Takanori couldn’t pick his feet up. It was such an easy task but he felt like each foot had heavy weights strapped to the ankles. Keeping him rooted to the ugly speckled carpet that lined the hallway.

Another ping and the elevator doors closed, the machinery clunking and grinding as it traveled back down the elevator shaft. Takanori let the tears fall freely down his face. Soaking his cheeks and down his neck to dampen his shirt around the collar. The shirt that smelled like Yuu’s home. 

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave. 

He had to though. He had to leave. He needed to be the ‘bigger man’ and take the initiative to pull himself away from the situation. There was no way that Yuu could keep his distance. They were so ingrained in this toxic routine of cat and mouse. No matter how much it hurt, he needed to detach. He needed to rip his heart away from its cozy space. He would replant and grow, his roots too strong to give up just yet. 

Smacking his palm against the elevator doors again, the ping was softer this time as the elevator traveled up to his current floor. Looking back the hallway started to become hazy again. The pooling tears spilling from the corners of his dark brown eyes. He wanted Yuu to peek his head out the doorway. Some kind of signal that everything could be ok again. That his fucked up feelings weren’t shameful. 

It never happened. 

The elevator doors opened once more and Takanori found the courage to step inside. The dimmed lights washed over him as he took his place in the corner. Hoping and praying that no one else would need to go down to the lobby. His tears were spilling freely now. Soaking the neck of his shirt and hands as he tried to wipe them away. It didn’t matter. More sprung up and he stopped fighting it. The elevator lurched to a halt as it reached the bottom floor. Takanori quickly rushed outside. 

The air was cool this morning, the heat of the day had not penetrated between the concrete buildings. The sidewalk still cool from the shadows as the morning sun just peeked over the horizon. He couldn’t remember the last time his heart squeezed so tight in his chest and how painful it was to take a breath. The people walking on the sidewalk were caught off guard as he openly sobbed. He had to get all this sadness out of him, he had to leave it here, he couldn’t bring these feelings home. 

\---

The beginning was a long period of grief, Takanori had spent a lot of time alone in his apartment. Switching between crying and sleeping and in general distancing himself from everything and everyone. It wasn’t like he had many friends. Most of the people in Takanori’s life could be described as general aquatencies that he knew their names and maybe a fact or two. They would know even less about him. He was tight lipped when it came to sharing anything about himself.

The one thing that Takanori wanted to do differently about this break up would be to not allow himself to spiral. He entered a dark place after his breakup with Kouyou, having someone he loved just vanish really tore him in two. This time would be different. He let himself wallow in self pity but on one spring morning he got a hold of himself. With the sun peeking in through the curtains and slowly warming his bones, he knew he had to to be the one to pull himself out of this. Takanori wouldn’t let Yuu dictate his heart anymore. Ten months was long enough. 

He could find happiness again. Except he wouldn’t find it being cooped up inside his own apartment. Where the air was stale and pulling his heart deeper into his chest with each breath. So he got up, stretched his sore limbs and opened the window to let the crisp air pull him out of his thoughts. 

A few more months had passed. The weather was growing hotter by the day as spring was long forgotten. It was starting to get easier. Takanori kept himself busy with work. He was already a full time flight attendant but he pushed himself to take on every shift he could. Even if that meant he worked ten days in a row with barely any sleep. It kept his mind busy. Having a packed schedule would not give him the time to settle. Being alone with his thoughts always led him down a dangerous path. With all kinds of twists and turns that he just wasn’t in the mood to explore. 

After seven hours on a cross-country flight he was stuck in the airport until the next one back. A four hour layover was enough for maybe a nap but Takanori was too wired. He had been gulping down stale coffee in between serving passengers and now the caffeine had started kicking in at the worst time. Made him fidget in a reclining chair in the VIP area. 

Bouncing his leg he tried to list out his options in his head. Maybe some dinner in the food court, a meal could do him good. He was having trouble keeping himself in line and found himself skipping meals while still loading up on coffee. The energy sizzling up and down his arms and legs. It always kept him buzzing for hours trying to find some relief. 

Maybe he just needed to fuck. Grindr always delivered many attractive options to waste time. He opened the app and put in his current location, stating in his bio that he wanted to kill time on a layover. Maybe this way he could match with someone else stuck inside the airport. With his white button up and black slacks he could easily pass as a businessman. As long as no one he matched with boarded his flight then he could easily pull this off. 

He started idly swiping on anyone that wasn't an eye sore. His standards were the lowest of the low after cutting ties with Yuu. As long as he got off, he didn’t really care who they were or what they looked like.

Very quickly he started matching with other men. He humored them as they threw out their awful pick up lines or straight up asking if he was down for a quickie. It was almost comical how easy it was to reel in men. Why was he still so hung up on Yuu when he had endless possibilities? Why did his heart have to be so fucking stupid? 

Takanori scrolled through his inbox till he came across a bold statement.

“I want to pin you against the wall and fuck you so hard that you forget your name.”

Takanori smirked as he let out a quiet snort. What a way to break the ice. He thought about going back to his inbox but the boldness of this lewd statement kept his fingers hovering above the touchscreen keyboard. 

“Ah… Fuck it.” He whispered to himself before hastily replying. 

“I hope you can live up to your promises. Where do you want to meet?” 

“I always keep my word. What gate are you at?” 

“Where’s yours?” Takanori was hoping it was on the other side of the airport and far away from his next flight. 

“H11”

“There’s a bathroom at the end of the terminal, I’ll meet you there.” 

“See you soon, Princess.” 

Takanori scrunched his nose up at that comment. He hated being called princess, babe, sweetie. Made his skin crawl while leaving a sour taste in his mouth. He would leave it for now, he couldn’t be too picky on a hook up app. As long as this person kept his word, then Takanori was in for a good time.

Getting up from his seat he took off his uniform jacket and tie. Gently folding them to place inside his carry on that he always brought for long work days. Both of those items had embroidery with the company logo which would easily blow his cover. They were safely tucked inside his luggage for the time being.

The quickest way to H11 was to take the shuttle outside instead of walking through the epicenter of the airport. The center was always full of confused travelers lingering around and creating standstill foot traffic as they tried to find their way. He skirted past a slow moving crowd and made his way to the shuttle pick up and drop off. Just a quick walk from the front of his gate. 

At least when he was outside he could smoke. He tried to quit but that didn’t last long and now he was smoking more than before. Grabbing his pack from his back pocket he stood at the edge of the crowd as he lit the end. Recently he started smoking menthol and he hated how every time he sucked on the filter it made him think of Yuu. With each inhale he would think back to the way Yuu would keep the filter pressed between his lips or biting the edge with his teeth as he muttered words under his breath. The tangy but crisp smoke was a comfort and a curse. 

The next shuttle wasn’t due to arrive for another five minutes so he started scrolling his Instagram. Lingering on the edge of the crowd to not bother anyone with his cigarette smoke. He still couldn’t get Yuu out of his mind. He wanted to know if he was ok. If he was getting better. If he finally got the help he needed. 

More importantly, if Yuu was better off without Takanori in his life. 

Instagram is a dangerous place. Takanori knew Yuu’s full name and after scrolling down the search results he found his ex lover. Smirking at the camera from inside that microscopic bubble. He wanted to click it. He wanted to know. It was a scary idea that made his heart pound as he kept sucking on the end of his cigarette to try and settle his nerves. As if this filthy habit would keep him sane while on the edge of collapse. 

He couldn’t stop himself from clicking on the generic username and being bombarded with a collection of selfies. In the photos Yuu was often wearing casual clothes but in a few he had his business attire on. Those ironed and pressed suits that were tailored just to him. The same ones that Takanori loved to peel off of him after a long work day. When things were alright and darkness had not filled their time together. Before the tears and before the painful words. 

With a heavy sigh Takanori kept scrolling despite his better judgment. In some photos Yuu was holding a cup of coffee but in a few he proudly held a fish up by a hook in its mouth. A hobby that he must have kept a secret from Takanori. 

The newest of the selfies made Yuu look young and fresh. The dark lines under his eyes had disappeared. A smile adorning his face instead of the deep sadness that was creeping up as Takanori continued to quickly scroll further down.

A thumbnail to a video caught his attention as he quickly moved his thumb up the screen. It was all too tempting but he accidentally hit the unmute button while scrolling back causing music to burst through the speakers of his phone. It startled him. Takanori almost dropped it while frantically trying to turn the volume down as people quickly turned their heads to see what the commotion was about. He apologized several times as he retreated a bit more from the crowd.

Taking his attention back to the screen was a flushed face Yuu. His arm slung around another man as they drunkenly sang into a karaoke microphone to a shitty pop song that was catchy this past fall. Takanori couldn’t help but smile as he watched Yuu laughing with the other person. Neither of them were able to carry a tune at that point and were in tears from laughing so hard. The glass of beer in Yuu’s hand had started to tip over and spill onto the other person. Causing them both to yell in surprise as the camera violently shook.

The video stopped and Takanori tried to scroll down but he did the worst thing anyone could possibly do. The universal rule that everyone unspokenly followed and he broke it. He liked the video. A video from over five months ago. He liked it and Yuu would absolutely see that notification even as he quickly unliked it. 

Angrily he sucked on the end of his cigarette as his hands started to twitch. His stomach dropped down to his feet as a deep dread sank in. He had to fight every urge not to scream. He really fucked it up. Now this is going to be lingering over his head. He prayed that Yuu didn’t check his Instagram enough to notice. He prayed to any god that would listen that his fuck up would go unnoticed. He was doing so good. Why did he have to ruin it like this?

Takanori was in a haze the whole ride on the shuttle. He knew where he was going and what he was planning to do but nothing was connecting in his head. His thoughts were jumbled and messy as he continued to loop his mistake over and over in his head. All the seats had been taken so he stood holding the above railing as his heart hammered inside of his chest. Desperately he wanted to believe that the frantic feelings he had were because he was excited. That would be a bold face lie. His social media stalking was going to land him in trouble.

He must have been stuck in his thoughts because it felt like seconds and they were already at the H terminal entrance. Someone knocked into his shoulder as they hurried past him was what snapped him out of his trance. He had to get his shit together. He wasn’t going to waste a quickie over his emotions getting the best of him. If he didn’t go through with this he would spend the next hour pacing like a caged animal in the VIP lounge. Completely on edge and ready to snap which is dangerous since he has to act professional on the next flight back.

The mini pep-talk helped a little. It at least got his mind to temporarily sort itself out. He blocked out all other thoughts than meeting this guy that he checked out again on the app. His name was Akira and every photo on his profile were shirtless gym selfies so Takanori did not expect much in the brains department. The muscles he obnoxiously flexed at the camera would make up for anything else he might be lacking.

Takanori put his phone back in his pocket as he made his way down to the very end of the terminal. Just outside the men’s bathroom entrance was a man that sort of resembled Akira. The faces were the same but Takanori would admit that he looked very different with a shirt on. Business attire and slicked back hair just didn’t match the gym rat that Takanori was expecting. The piercings in his ears were the only part of his outfit that hinted an alternative lifestyle behind the white collar and pressed slacks. 

Akira had his phone in his hand but the screen was black as he curiously examined the people that walked past him. His overall demeanor was calm but even from several feet away he could see Akira’s fingers fidget against the side of his phone case. His nails flicked over buttons as his eyes scanned the terminal again anticipating Takanori’s arrival. 

Takanori’s nerves were on edge and he could still feel his chest sinking in as he tried to steady his breathing. The need to be carelessly reckless during his inner turmoil kept him walking straight towards his hookup.

As Takanori approached, the man nodded his head and asked very forwardly. “You Takanori?”

“Yeah, you Akira?” He questioned as the other man continued to size him up. He wasn’t much taller than Takanori but his aura was strong. Like he could dominate a room without any effort. His presence is clearly enough to keep people in line. 

“That’s me. Come on.” He turned around and pulled the bathroom door open, standing aside for Takanori to go in ahead of him. The gentlemanly gesture made Takanori scrunch his nose up in disgust.

The room was large, five stalls on one side and four urinals on the other with two sinks in the corner. The lingering scent of disinfectant was strong enough to burn Takanori’s nostrils so at least it had been cleaned recently. Not like he hadn’t fucked in some pretty scummy places but that’s irrelevant to his current emotions as he caught a glance at himself in the mirror. He looked awful. All the tiredness was beginning to build around his eyes as he stood with slumped shoulders.

None of this seemed to phase Akira as he walked right past Takanori. He beckoned for the blonde to follow him as he glanced under the stall doors to check that they were alone. Giving a very cheesy thumbs up before picking the stall on the very end. Holding the door open again for Takanori to walk in first. Squeezing them both inside before shutting the door and locking it. 

The stall was very small, Takanori was wedged between the toilet and wall as Akira stood with his back to the door. Takanori regretted his choice of this bathroom because there was barely enough room for one person, let alone two. 

Both of them weren’t really sure where to put their luggage. Akira gave a light shrug before he dropped his bag at his feet with a thud. There was a big chance they would step on it at some point but that was a problem for later. Takanori stuffed his belongings in the empty space on the other side of the toilet. The floor was pretty clean for a public bathroom but it still felt scummy to leave his belongings on the floor.

Takanori felt undeniably anxious. He didn’t want to overthink. Hell, he didn’t want to think at all but he couldn’t help it as he watched Akira shrug off his navy blazer and hang it on the door handle. He was sharply dressed and even through the white button up you could see his defined muscles. He was very handsome and it made Takanori wonder how much work went into keeping himself fit. Takanori couldn’t even think of the last time he worked out. He would probably collapse after running for a few minutes. 

“Come here.” Akira reached a hand out to bring Takanori closer. Moving them around so that Takanori was pressed with his back against the door.

“We gotta be quick.” Takanori reminded Akira. He wasn’t in the mood to draw this out. Even if Akira was built like a god he didn’t want to idle around. He didn’t need a repeat of what he had with Yuu. 

“Sure thing, babe.” Akira grabbed a hold of both of Takanori’s wrists and brought them over his head. 

Takanori frowned at the name but quickly let it go as Akira started pressing kisses against his neck. That frown quickly morphing into a smirk as he slotted his leg between Akira’s and he could feel that the other man was already half hard before they even started. Instantly the grip around his wrists tightened as Akira pushed his hips forward into the touch. Kissing a line from Takanori’s Adam's apple to his lips. The blonde flinched but settled after Akira paused, keeping their lips lightly brushing but waiting for Takanori to give a queue for what to do. Takanori was trying to get himself into the role but it was hard. His mind was on the fritz and he needed to shut himself off. 

“Be rough with me.” He said before he could regret it. 

“That was the plan.” Akira whispered against his mouth before tilting his head down to capture Takanori into a more powerful kiss. Leaving him no time to react before taking one of his hands down to grab at the blonde’s thin leg and hiking it up on his waist. Forcing Takanori to stand up on the tips of his toes as his back thumped against the stall door. When the shorter man gasped, Akira shoved his tongue past his lips as he slid his hands up his thigh to grab a handful of his ass. He wanted to spank him but being pressed for time and very much in public, that wouldn’t be a wise decision. 

Instead he turned Takanori around and pushed him against the door. Grabbing at his thin hips as he rubbed his trapped hard on against his ass. Already having to bite back moans as Takanori followed his movements with even more enthusiasm and need. Taking a hand away Akira ran it over the bulge forming in Takanori’s pressed black slacks. Cupping him and squeezing a little just to get him to quietly whimper. 

“Hurry up, I don’t have all day.” Takanori looked over his shoulder at Akira who rolled his eyes in response. 

Akira scoffed a laugh before pushing Takanori harder against the stall door. It rattled on its hinges as he pushed all his weight against him. Kissing the back of his neck with an open mouth as he kept rubbing a firm hand over the blonde’s hard on. “You’re lucky I like them feisty.” He quickly worked on undoing Takanori’s belt and pants, pushing them down just enough to expose his ass. Not able to resist squeezing one of his cheeks with a firm hand. 

Momentarily Akira pulled his hands away to pull a condom and small packet of lube out from his pants pocket as he quickly undid the front of his pants. “Spread em.” He instructed as he used his teeth to tear open the foil wrapper of the condom.

Takanori shifted from side to side as he pulled his pants a little further down. He couldn't completely spread his legs like he wanted to but it seemed to be enough to satisfy Akira because the other man started thrusting his cock against his leg as he tore open the lube packet. Instead Takanori used one of his hands to spread himself open and let out a quiet hum as the gym rat's fingers slid over his hole. Messily spreading the lube around before quickly inserting a finger. At least this guy was nice enough to prepare him so Takanori made sure to moan a little bit louder as he felt Akira add another finger after just a few thrusts. 

They really were moving fast because before Takanori could think about just how much he wanted to be fucked, he could feel Akira pressing his cock against his entrance. “You want it?” He asked, just pressing the tip inside. Takanori was fairly used to being stretched but he still winced a little, ending in a breathy moan. 

“Just fuck me already, god.” Admittedly Takanori didn’t want to sound bitchy but he just wanted this over. He wanted to let off his frustrations with as little talking as possible. He didn’t want to think. He just wanted to feel someone taking control and fucking him till he forgot everything. 

“Such a brat.” Akira grabbed hold of Takanori’s hair. Twisting the smooth locks around his fingers until they painfully pulled at the other man’s scalp. Making him close his eyes and gasp when he was jerked back. “I want you to beg me, princess.” 

Takanori scowled even as he felt himself squirming in the touch. Feeling Akira’s cock so close to slipping inside him. “Don’t fucking call me that.” He bit out. 

“What was that? Maybe I should call you my bitch instead?” A sick laugh followed and Takanori hated how it had him wanting it more. It was disgusting but maybe he was disgusting for fucking a stranger in the bathroom. How those words had him keening and arching his back trying to get Akira to just fuck him already. 

“I’ll be whatever you want, just don’t fucking call me princess again or I’ll leave you with blue balls.” He threatened but the grip on his hair tightened. Forcing tears to prickle up on the corners of his eyes as he shamelessly moaned. 

Akira yanked Takanori back by his hair, putting his lips right next to his ear. “Your foul mouth really turns me on.” He whispered as he eased his hips forward. Slowly pushing his cock inside and loving how Takanori moaned from being filled. It was too much at once but Takanori welcomed it. The stinging pain made him forget about his worries as he pressed himself back to meet Akira’s shallow thrusts. He was finally getting what he wanted. 

Akira held onto one side of Takanori’s hip as he thrust himself inside. The way the shorter man clenched around his cock was already stirring a fire within him. Starting in his chest and fanning out with every small whimper that Takanori let out with a pout. With just a bit too much force he pushed Takanori forward with his hand that was still fisted in his hair. Pressing his cheek into the stall door as it creaked from their movements. Taking a quick glance down to watch his cock slip further inside as Takanori’s muscles started to relax. It was a slice of heaven and he never wanted it to end. Keeping his thrusts sharp but steady just to see how many more noises he could coax out of the blonde. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” Akira praised Takanori as his tight heat clenched around him. Trying to hold him inside before he could slip further out. His voice was already strained as he tried to keep his composure. 

Every second counted but the way Akira started pounding into his ass had Takanori losing himself. Whimpering and moaning as he felt his brain start to melt. Slithering down the back of his neck, slipping down his thighs, and pooling at their feet on the tile floor. Even when Akira brought him back for a kiss it wasn’t able to register as Takanori only focused on the thick length filling him up to the brim. Arching his back in a way so that Akira’s cock could penetrare him further. Moaning against the other man’s mouth as his eyes stayed shut. Trying to focus every sense he had on the pleasure he was feeling to outweigh the dread. 

Takanori reached down to stroke his own length as he felt his mind start to become hazed from arousal. Akira had untwisted his fingers from his hair to slide his hand down to grip around his neck. Threatening to choke him out but holding back. Just squeezing the sides until Takanori’s head went fuzzy. Just what he wanted. All thoughts cut off as he thrust himself back against the quick snap fo Akira’s hips. Fucking him harshly. The lewd sound of skin slapping together echoing against the walls of the bathroom. A symphony of exhibitionist acts that added to the excitement that pumped through their veins. 

“Fuck, you feel so good.” Takanori’s mouth hung open as Akira’s cock kept pounding into him.

“Do you ever shut up?” Takanori snarled. He knew the heaviness of his words. He knew how to set another man off. Wanting the pain that he craved when things just got too difficult inside his head. Instantly the hand around his throat tightened, effectively cutting off his oxygen. Making his eyes roll back into his skull as he struggled to take a breath but could only choke and sputter. His hands clung onto Akira’s jacket that hung from the hook on the door in front of him. The only thing holding him up as the other man kept an unforgiving pace. 

The entrance of the bathroom door slamming shut brought the two of them back to reality. Instantly they stopped moving, Takanori looked back at Akira with his eyes wide in fear. Anyone walking by could see the two sets of feet in their stall and fit the pieces of the puzzle together. Akira brought his finger up to his lips to gesture to be quiet. Still buried to the hilt and throbbing but he could only concentrate on the footfalls coming from the other person occupying the bathroom.

Takanori wanted to keep going. He was already on edge before they even started. The way that Akira had called him his bitch just really set him off. He slowly kept stroking his own hard cock as he ever so slightly rolled his hips. Akira instantly took his hands away from Takanori’s neck and grabbed at his waist to try and keep him still while he fought his self control. 

“Dirty boy, you want to be caught.” Akira whispered right beside Takanori’s ear causing him to let out a soft moan. Akira put his hand over Takanori’s mouth trying to muffle those sweet sounds.

Akira kept snapping his hips forward. Being mindful about the noise but relishing in how Takanori fought to keep himself quiet. With his legs still spread and his head resting against his folded arms. Biting hard at his shirt sleeve trying to muffle any of the moans that threatened to escape. Akira’s cock was rubbing him in all the right places and he wanted so badly to beg and plead for more. His heart raced as the pleasure of fear rose. 

“Such a pervert. You want to be caught.” Akira whispered right into his ear again. Kissing the shell as he rocked his hips slowly. Never letting up or giving Takanori a break. 

“Fuck.” Takanori buried his face into Akira’s jacket, inhaling the strong scent of his cologne. A spiced fragrance that was manly and sophisticated. 

The urinal across from them flushed and more footfalls followed as the man went to wash his hands. It was pretty obvious what was happening in that stall but the stranger wouldn’t acknowledge it, deciding to just finish his business up quickly and go. To save them from embarrassment. Even if the idea of being caught turned Takanori on even more. 

They were listening to the other man leave the room. On pins and needles as their ears stayed focused on the heavy footsteps. Every second painfully dragging on. Takanori almost wanted to scream as he slid further back on Akira’s cock. When the door shut with a thud was when Akira started thrusting again at a quick pace. Takanori was nearly sobbing as he tried to hold on. His back arched as he kept jerking himself off. He wanted to cum so badly. He just wanted some relief. Emotional or physical it was all blending at this point.

“You close?” Akira was already out of breath. Leaning forward to rest his head against Takanori’s shoulder blades. The sweat from his forehead being soaked up by the white cotton fabric. 

Takanori nodded his head. Not able to form words. Keeping his hand moving fast over his own cock as the pressure kept building. Already about to burst and this was just the tip of the iceberg. 

Akira pushed Takanori’s hair back to expose his ear. Leaning forward to nip at the lobe. “Cum for me. Make a mess.” His voice hot and heavy as he chased his own orgasm. Not making it long before spilling into the condom. Throbbing and cursing under his breath as Takanori kept clenching. A mix of painful pleasure that had Akira audibly groaning. “Be a good bitch and cum for me.” Was all it took and Takanori was crying out. Fisting his length and cumming into his hand and some of it reaching the stall door. Leaving a sticky trail that started to slide down in places. 

They stood there. Silently. Not daring to speak first because now that the thrill had vanished all that was left was the painful awkwardness. Slowly Akira pulled out his softening cock. Taking off the condom and being unsure what to do with it as he tied off the end. There wasn’t a trash can and he didn’t feel like carrying this around so he tossed it into the toilet. Takanori glared at him because you’re not supposed to flush condoms but he didn’t voice his concerns. What did it matter? He didn't plan to see Akira again so there was no use wasting his breath. Instead he wiped his face on his shirt sleeve and started to pull his pants back up. 

“That was good.” Akira had such a cheerful tone even as he tried to catch his breath. 

“Yeah.” Takanori agreed. “It was nice.” He grabbed some toilet paper from the roll and cleaned himself up. Wiping his cum off the stall door and floor before tossing it into the toilet. Akira flushed it. All the evidence of their encounter going down the drain. 

“I’d love to hook up again.” The other man suggested but Takanori shook his head. 

“Sorry, I don’t fuck more than once. I hope you understand.” This was the only way that he could keep himself distant and unavailable. The only way to guard his heart. 

“Aw, too bad.” Akira pouted and it seemed so uncharacteristic. The man had Takanori wrapped around his finger just moments before but now he was being soft? It was baffling. “I’m a switch. If you’re into that. I’d let you fuck me.” He smiled as he tucked himself back into his pants. 

“As tempting as that is. I’m going to have to pass.” Takanori tried to let him down easy as he tried to make himself look presentable. He was sure his hair was a mess but he could fix that later. Thankfully he didn’t wear makeup today so it would be a quick fix when he got back to his gate.

“Alright, I understand. Have a safe flight.” The formalities gave Takanori second hand embarrassment but he wouldn't let it show. 

He thanked Akira before they gathered up their things and left the stall. No one else was in the bathroom so that was a relief. Quickly they went their separate ways. Takanori refused to look back as he hurried down the terminal. As much as he had wished that this would relieve his stress, it had only heightened it. The post high of an orgasm was already fading as the anxiety of his actions creeped up. Licking at his ankles like a burning fire as he picked up the pace to get back to the shuttle. 

\----

Takanori just got back to his apartment after his shift. It was past 3 am and he felt the hazy edge of sleep calling for him but he still had things to do. He desperately wanted a shower and a stiff drink after the day he had. 

Dropping his luggage by his shoes he automatically started stripping, tossing his ruffled and stained clothes into the washing machine that was hidden around the corner from the door. He worried the cum stain on the side of his leg would never come out of those work pants, serving as a nasty reminder that he was not in control. No matter how hard he pushed Yuu from his mind, he still lingered. Even as Akira held onto him in the bathroom stall, Takanori could still imagine it as Yuu’s hands. He could feel his ex lover’s calloused hands smoothing down his sides and pulling him back into his arms. That painful thought made his heart ache again. 

“Fuck…” He whispered to the empty and pitch black room. 

A muffled text tone alert could be heard from inside of his suitcase. Stark naked he sat down on the floor to blindly dig through the contents of his bag. His legs prickled with goosebumps as soon as the cold wood touched his skin. A shiver ran up his spine as he fished his phone out from inside the cluttered bag. 

His lockscreen had a few alerts. A few unread messages on Grindr, an alert for his next shift and what gate to meet at, and finally. 

“God, fuck me.” He nearly dropped his phone as he read the banner. 

[r00ks] yuu_shiro   
Did you really just IG stalk me?

Takanori did not have a clue as to what he should do. He wanted to throw his phone over the balcony and disappear off the face of the earth instead of facing his shame. Maybe he should delete all of his social media accounts and claim he was doing a noble thing of taking ‘a social media break.’ All in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. 

Getting back up he couldn't take his eyes off that notification. He would not dare to even open it. His lockscreen would dim before he tapped the edge of the phone to get the screen to light back up again. Yuu’s message still stayed at the top. Mercifully taunting him as he started to pace up and down the small open area by his kitchen. 

“I can’t do this.” He declared. Tossing his phone onto his bed before stomping into his bathroom to shower away the filth that covered him head to toe. Trying to come up with some kind of solution for his problem. 

Freshly showered and changed into his pajama pants he made his way back to his bed. Switching off the lights as he went so that the only light coming in were from street lamps outside. Usually a dark room was soothing but it only made Takanori feel much more alone. 

He found his phone as he burrowed under the covers. Not wanting to check it but the screen brightened as he turned it over. Even as tired as he felt he couldn’t stop his eyes from curiously reading the new banner notification that took the spot above the last. 

[r00ks] yuu_shiro  
I’m not mad if you were. I didn’t mean for that message to sound angry. 

That’s good news, at least Yuu was not angry. Takanori did wish he used emojis more. His official tone was too hard to decode and always sounded more harsh than meaning to. 

With a sigh he swiped the banner to open the message. Taking a deep breath he couldn’t believe what he was doing. It wasn’t right, he needed to give Yuu space, he needed to stay out of his life for Yuu’s good. 

R00ks: I’m sorry, I was just curious is all. I will leave you be. 

Yuu_shiro: No reason to run off. 

R00ks: just wanted to check in is all. 

Yuu_shiro: I see, well I hope you are doing well, Nori.

Takanori clutched at his chest. That deep ache returned again. He could read all of Yuu’s messages in his voice. He desperately wanted to hear him say that horrible nickname. It didn’t seem so awful anymore. It was almost cute. 

R00ks: I am. I’m sorry to bother you by accident. I’ll let you get back to what you were doing. Take care.

Lies on top of lies on top of lies. It was a jenga tower of lies but Takanori would not let Yuu know just how much he still hurt. It felt like Yuu had already gotten over him and this would be for the best. Takanori could live with knowing he carried enough hurt for the both of them if Yuu was able to live happily. 

Yuu_shiro: no bother at all. Message me if you ever feel like chatting. I feel like we probably have a lot to say since some time has passed. 

Takanori wanted to cry. Feeling like his heart was being stomped on all over again. How could Yuu be so casual? How could he say such genetically awful things after the kind of break up they endured? 

“I hate this.” He tossed his phone to the end of the bed. Not wanting to deal with any of this. Everything he fucked up would take even longer to fix. The quickie with Akira did nothing for him. It was only about seven hours ago but it felt like a lifetime. The anxiety and depression he worked so hard to avoid was creeping up. The tears were already starting to fill up his eyes as he shut them. Burying his face into his pillow and hoping he could force himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3   
> This was actually super hard to write. I kept deleting it all and starting over because I knew what I wanted to do but wasn't sure how to follow through. Writing Reita being a dom is not one of my strengths lmao. I hope you guys enjoyed it. <3


	4. Chapter 4: House of Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote A LOT for this chapter. 19 pages in google docs so that's why it was such a delay. Please enjoy!  
> Thank you luckytiger96 for always reviewing my fics and fixing up any mistakes. <3

Chapter 4: House of Memories

It had been over 6 months since the last time Yuu had seen Takanori. At first it hurt so much that he never thought he would feel the same again. He tried to drown it all with alcohol but ended up making himself so sick. He started showing up late to work or not showing up at all. Lying on his bed in agony from hangover after hangover. His whole body bruised from the inside out as he tried to piece every part of his night back together. Relying on his phone to fill the gaps. Texts and selfies that he couldn’t place but the time stamps revealed the truth of his benders. 

After a formal meeting with his boss he was given a leave of absence. 30 days to get his shit together or he was gone for good. The first day he spent it inside a bar. Drinking his whole paycheck away. The next 29 he set out to get some help. 

After sweeping through all of the nooks and crannies of his apartment, every trace of alcohol was dumped and pitched out. He needed to get help. He had to do better or he was going to lose everything he worked so hard for. He hadn't spent so many years at college to become an alcoholic bum. He refused to disappoint his mother like that. 

Yuu hated going to meetings. No, he despised it. Every minute felt worse than the last as they sat in metal folding chairs placed in a circle. He hated the script and the rules and how everyone preached at newcomers like they were so high and mighty. Except the more he went, the more he opened up, and the more he understood how he was not in control anymore. 

“One day at a time.” Had served as a mantra. As cliche as it was. It made sense. His addictions were not something he would heal from overnight. His heart would not heal overnight but he could work through these feelings with more understanding and a better frame of mind.

So here he was at 6 months sober. It was a life changing accomplishment. He couldn’t remember the last time he was sober for this long. He navigated through life with new eyes.

He almost felt happy. His happiness was at the end of the tunnel and gave him a speck of hope that maybe one day he could truly feel at ease again. 

He had nearly filled a college ruled notebook with people he had wronged for the previous step in recovery. It was a daunting task at first but it felt like once he started writing, he couldn’t stop. 

The next part was the hardest. Some people he really couldn’t apologize to. Either they lost contact or worse, passed away, but he slowly worked through the others. His mother, his siblings, his friends, his coworkers, even the bar security guard that he had punched when being dragged outside one night. An awkward situation on both ends but the man appreciated Yuu’s courage to come back just to apologize. 

After several months he finally got down to the name he was pushing off as long as possible. 

Regretfully, he still had Takanori’s number saved in his phone. He had deleted the texts and the call logs but kept the number. Maybe it was because fate wanted him to apologize for all the terrible things he had done to someone he really truly loved. 

With a deep breath he tapped the dial button before bringing the phone up to his ear. He was out on his balcony smoking and trying to enjoy the last of the spring weather before it turned stifling hot. It only took a few rings before Takanori answered. 

“Hello?” His voice sounded so faint, like he was scared to even answer. 

“Hi, Nori.” Yuu spoke softly. Worried that Takanori would hang up the second he heard his voice. 

“Uh, what do you want?” Takanori said with a sullen tone. 

“I just. I don't know. I wanted to tell you something. I know we talked a little on Instagram but I didn’t want to say this over text.” A long pause followed and Yuu brought his phone away from his ear to check that they were still connected. 

“What is it?” Takanori answered with a deep sigh. Already annoyed to be having this conversation before it even started. Hearing Yuu’s voice hurt but he held on. 

“Well. It’s a long story but I’m in AA. I'm supposed to apologize to people I’ve wronged. I uh- ” He paused, feeling a bit silly. “I fucked up a lot and wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have tried to force you to be someone you’re not. You don’t have to forgive me. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry.” 

“Thank you for apologizing. I fucked up too. You weren’t the only one. I’m glad you got help and I hope you’re doing well.” Takanori smiled a little. This would explain why Yuu wasn’t spiteful when they had briefly talked online. 

“I’m doing better. I just wanted to tell you that and I hope you’re doing alright. Sorry to bother you if you were busy.”

“No, I’m not busy. It’s um.” The silence that followed was forcing Yuu to the edge of his seat. “It’s good to hear from you.” Just saying that made Takanori’s heart ache even more. 

“You can say no. But um.” Yuu paused. Was he really doing this? “Do you want to get lunch and talk sometime?” He felt 16 again. The fluttering feeling in his chest momentarily taking away from the hurt. 

“I don’t know…” 

“I won’t pressure you, but honestly I have a whole page in this notebook I want to apologize for. I can do that over lunch and then we never have to see each other again.”

Takanori laughed a little at Yuu’s eagerness. He was always so willing to dive headfirst into every obstacle. 

“Ok, one lunch. That’s all you get from me.” 

“Thanks, I won’t let you down. I’ll pick somewhere nice and I’ll pay. All you have to do is show up.” 

“You make me sound like a boyfriend for hire.” He tried to laugh to mask his insecurities. 

“Shit, I fucked up already didn’t I? I just wanted to be nice.” Yuu sounded so sincere and apologetic that Takanori could feel a smile tugging on his lips. 

“No, you’re fine. I’m just being difficult.”

“Tsk, always so difficult.” Yuu said before he could stop himself. “I’ll text you details and we can try to find a day that we both have some free time.” 

“Ok, I’ll see you later then. Bye, Yuu.”

“Bye, Nori.” His heart squeezed inside his chest and he knew he was walking on a tightrope with his emotions. He had a speck of hope that he could handle it. He could get through one lunch, apologize for his monsterous fuck ups, and then finally let Takanori go so he could move on. 

————

Yuu had found a small cafe with pretty decent reviews that was a halfway point between both of their cities. He wanted them to meet in an area that wasn’t attached to memories. Somewhere neutral that they could have one last conversation. The food looked delicious on their website and they had an array of imported coffee so he knew Takanori would be pleased with that. 

They had arranged to meet at 2 pm but Yuu was already running late. Anxiously hopping from one foot to the other at each crosswalk before speed walking down another block. It wasn’t too far from the station but the streets were congested with so much foot traffic that it slowed him down more than he expected. 

The closer he got to the cafe, the more his nerves started to pick at him. He wasn’t sure if this was the best decision but he needed to do this. He needed to get the hardest part over with, the rest of the steps would be a breeze. The only thing was that he wouldn’t drink to forget this encounter. Something he was still trying to get used to. 

Stepping inside the rush of air conditioning made his skin prickle. The sweat on the back of his neck freezing as he looked around the room for Takanori. The cozy atmosphere made it seem more like someone’s home than a cafe. Mismatched furniture and tableware only added to the hipster vibes that were so on trend at the moment. 

All the way in the corner he spotted Takanori. Making his stomach fill up with butterflies as if this was a first date. He was still so beautiful as he stared out the window with his chin propped up in his hand. His hair had gotten a little longer but was styled and pinned back on the side. He always had such a gloomy expression. A frown that never truly left but it was something Yuu found endearing. 

“Excuse me.” Yuu heard from behind him and suddenly realized he was blocking the doorway. Quickly apologizing to the woman before moving towards Takanori. It was now or never. 

As he approached the table Takanori pulled his gaze away from the window and smiled up at Yuu. That smile filled his heart with so much warmth. He missed this man so much. 

“You look well!” Yuu spoke first as he sat down across from him. He wasn’t sure what was more awkward, meeting in daylight or having Takanori see him sober. 

“Thanks, I’m hanging in. You look a lot better.” Takanori bowed his head a little but more so to hide his smile. It was like once he saw Yuu he just couldn’t stop. Hearing Yuu so chipper made him feel giddy and ridiculous with how he responded. 

“Thank you. That’s always good to hear. I’ve been trying new skincare.” Yuu batted his eyes to get Takanori to laugh at his display. He just loved hearing the other man laugh so much that he was willing to do anything to hear it. 

“It’s working for you.” Takanori played along. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting, I didn’t realize how crowded it would be on a Thursday.” 

“It’s ok, I’m still waiting for someone to come by and take my order.” Takanori waved it off. Even though it had been an anxious 20 minutes of waiting. 

“Already decided then?” Yuu picked up the menu booklet that was propped up next to the sugar packets. 4 whole pages of different types of coffee with a final page with juices and pastries to try. 

“Mhm. Nitro cold brew for me, flat white for you, and the macaroon sampler to share.” Takanori had been a little bored while waiting and gone over all the different combinations imaginable. 

Yuu smirked and put the menu back on the table. “Sounds perfect to me.” He loved how subtly Takanori took charge in situations. Even though Yuu was the one to catch the waitresses' attention, Takanori was the one that ordered for them. A subtle fake kindness to his voice that made Yuu reminisce on the first time they had met. When Takanori had to hide his real feelings while in uniform and keep a pleasant tone. It sounded nothing like what Yuu had come to know from his ex. 

“You never told me what you do for a job.” Takanori wondered out loud. He had tried to pry that out from Yuu once before but had been quickly shut down and told to not bother. ‘It’s boring.’ Was all Yuu would indulge. 

“It’s boring.” He said and Takanori smirked because he knew that would be what Yuu would say. “I’m a budget analyst for a big box company. 9-5, I have a cubicle, and participate in office birthdays. I sold out.” Yuu cocked his head to the side as he let out a quiet laugh. He was not fond of speaking of his work but he thought of all the people in his life that Takanori deserved to know. 

Takanori nodded his head. “Yeah, gotta admit, I think you did.” He chuckled as Yuu gave him a knowing look. 

“Even if I did, my boss gave me a ‘get out of jail free’ card when things got bad. I probably would have lost everything if he hadn't sat me down and told me to get my shit together. I owe him a lot and will probably stay with that company until I retire.”

“He sounds like a good man. I’m glad he could steer you in the right direction.” 

The waitress returned with their drinks and small plate of macaroon samples. All of them brightly colored with specific decorations to match the color scheme. It was cute and he couldn’t help himself from taking a quick close up photo for his Instagram. 

“I never would have pegged you as someone that would be so heavily into social media.” Takanori commented as he started sipping on his drink. It was bitter at first but then the mild nutty undertones came through.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” Yuu snatched a macaroon closest to him and took a bite. 

“I guess it goes both ways then.” Takanori almost wanted to spill all his secrets. Confess all the terrible ways he had kept himself busy these past few months. Just so he could finally get that weight off his shoulders. 

“So, do you have a boyfriend?” Yuu arched an eyebrow at Takanori. 

The other man blushed, dipping his head down and clicked his tongue against his teeth. “I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m keeping it casual.”

“I see, I see.” Yuu pondered. “I’m sure you got someone wrapped around your finger right now.”

“No. I keep my distance.” 

“I hope that’s not because of me. I’m really sorry about that. “ The tone changed very suddenly. Yuu felt so guilty for something he might not even have a part in but a sneaking suspicion made him worried he was the cause. 

“I mean…” Takanori felt his throat clench up as he coughed into his hand. “It’s just safer to keep my distance for now.” His answer was short but to the point. 

“I’m very sorry if I pushed you to do something you weren’t ready for.” Yuu gave a thoughtful pause. Trailing his finger over the edge of his coffee cup. “I think back to it a lot and I am very disgusted by my behavior. It wasn’t right. I should have just left you alone like you wanted.” 

“No, I don’t know. I really don't know how to describe it. I wanted the attention and your devotion but I didn’t know what to do with it. I am still scared of so many things. I’m trying to just work through them at my own pace. “

“I understand” The raven nodded his head in understanding. “ Working at your own pace is the best way to handle things. Sometimes you need a kick in the ass but most of the time change won’t happen until you’re ready.” 

“You’re very wise. I don’t think I saw that side of you.”

“Not many do. I’m being generous since I trust you.”

“I like seeing this side of you. It’s very sexy.” Takanori said before he could think. Catching Yuu off guard who pressed his lips together and tilted his head in embarrassment. 

“I’m glad you think so.” Yuu blushed and kept his gaze down. 

“So, how is AA treating you?” Takanori tried his hardest to change the subject. Anything to divert them away from the verbal mess he was causing. 

“It’s alright. I don’t really believe in a higher power but I do believe in karma so I have a lot I need to make up before things are set right.” 

“Oh? What’s next on the list?” Takanori sipped at his iced coffee. 

“A lot of what is left is you. Before I move onto the next step.”

“Lay it on me.”

Yuu sighed and pulled a paper out of his pocket. It showed his age that he would write such things on paper instead of his phone. 

“To begin, I probably shouldn’t have agreed to meet you in the hotel room. It was fun, trust me, I don’t regret that. But I feel like that kept us in contact way longer than we intended. I was super depressed because it was another year single at Christmas and then some beautiful man showed up. Willing to satisfy me and just so witty that I can’t stop myself from falling for him. It was wrong of me and I should have stopped it. I am older.-”

“How much?”

“Um- I’m 38”

“I’m only 3 years younger, that’s nothing.”

"What! Only 3 years!”

“Yeah, what did you expect?”

“Well shit, you look late 20's so that’s why this is so weird to hear.” 

“I’m not a baby, I just take good care of myself.”

“No shit.” Yuu wise cracked and Takanori glared at him before they both laughed at how ridiculous this was. 

“Anyways.” Yuu brought the attention back to the topic. “I held on for way longer than what we agreed. I wanted someone to keep in my life long term. I hurt you deeply and I am very sorry for that. I hope one day you can forgive me.”

“You’re so stupid.” Takanori had a sick sense of delight when Yuu looked up so confused. “I do forgive you. I was being just as stupid. I didn’t know what to do with the love I was given. It happens.” 

Yuu’s face lightened up and he sighed a breath of relief. “I appreciate that you forgive me. That does mean I can move onto the next step finally.”

“Oh? What’s that?” Takanori was curious, he had never heard about AA outside of what was portrayed in the media. 

“I’m pretty sure I just have to meditate a lot.” 

“You’re always stuck in your thoughts so that won’t be hard.” Takanori teased him. It felt so easy and like he had been waiting ages to have the chance to again. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Thank you for letting me make amends for what happend. I know it’s going to sound really sick but maybe this was supposed to happen. So we could get a hold of ourselves.”

As much as Takanori wanted to agree this was the last situation he felt in control of. He felt himself spiraling but there was a comfort. Maybe talking with Yuu as a friend could help him work through the difficulties in his life. Maybe it could give him someone to lean on when things are too hard to handle on his own. 

“Is it ok to text you from time to time? Just to status update?” Takanori suggested. Yuu stayed silent, scanning his face for any signs of miss interpreting what was being asked. When Takanori didn’t budge was when Yuu nodded his head.

“Yeah, I would love that.” Yuu answered but if he was honest with himself, it scared him. He wasn’t sure if he could keep his distance. He was focusing on himself but he was still a person and still had feelings for Takanori. Even if he chose not to act on them, they would still be there. 

“Can I ask something?” Takanori interrupted Yuu’s deep thinking. 

“Hmm?”

“Are you dating anyone?”

“Ah, well. No.” He paused feeling uncomfortable. “It’s encouraged not to date for your first year of sobriety. So I’m hopelessly single for the time being.”

“I’m-” Yuu cut him off right away. 

“Don’t say you’re sorry. No reason for it. I just need to work this out without dragging another person in.” 

Takanori nodded in understanding. A year without casual flings or dating seemed impossible in Takanori’s eyes but he admired Yuu’s dedication to his program. He was obviously invested and wanted to do his best to complete it while following the rules. 

“I’m getting used to it. I get lonely but spending a year focusing on myself is such a small amount of time compared to how long of a life I have.” 

“How long did we, I don’t know what to call it, date?” Takanori sipped some more of his coffee as he studied Yuu’s face. 

“About 10 months. Give or take.” 

“Maybe this will go by faster?” 

“Hm. Maybe.” Yuu tilted his head in thought as he started eating another macaroon. He wanted to be honest that it was going painfully slow and that he still had Takanori in his heart. 

They chatted about lighter subjects after that. Settling for filling the air with talk of work, new restaurants, and places they’ve visited. Everything about them was backwards but getting the heavier topics out of the way made it easier to breathe. They could relax into the conversation while drinking coffee without nagging thoughts. Overall it was pleasant and both men had missed the other. Even if it was just strictly on friend terms there was a level of comfort that they easily slid into when together. 

Yuu paid for their food and drinks like he had promised. It wasn’t much but it was the least he could do after everything. He really wanted to ask more about Takanori’s life but he knew that was a slippery slope. It was best to leave their conversation as it was for now. They both stood up as they prepared to leave. 

“Make sure to text me sometime.” Takanori said as they awkwardly stood face to face. 

“I will. Thank you for today.” Yuu wanted to hug him so badly, just wrap his arms around the smaller man and pull him close one last time. He decided against it just as he raised his arms from his side. It was best if they kept some distance. 

“Good luck with the next step. See you around.” Were Takanori’s last words as he reached out to squeeze Yuu’s bicep with such a soft touch before leaving. At least if these were some of their last exchanged words, it would be a better memory to hold dear to his heart than their last encounter. That horrid fight still lurks in the back of Yuu’s mind. He made a promise to himself to replace it with today’s conversation. 

———

It was getting awfully late but Yuu still had reports to finish up so he stayed behind. Darkness filled the space as one by one his coworkers shut off their cubicle lights. Leaving only Yuu’s desk lamp illuminating the small space he occupied. Usually he would be upset because this was cutting into happy hour and he would be missing out on half priced drinks but with his sobriety, something like staying at work didn’t seem so bad after all. It was peacefully silent after a long day of clatter. Hushed talking, machines whirring, the constant footfalls going up and down the path outside his space. Phones ringing nonstop, the coffee machine always gurgling as someone made a new pot, and muffled laughter coming from behind the break room door. It was a treat to enjoy the silence all alone. 

His phone started vibrating on the table just as he picked up another stack of papers. Checking the caller ID it brought a smile to his face.

“Hi, what’s up?” Yuu asked through the receiver. 

“Just bored. I wanted to see what you were up to.” Takanori had another day off and was clueless about what to do with his time. Going out felt like too much of a hassle but he felt restless staying in. 

“Oh, no one around to keep you entertained?” Yuu teased. He didn’t want to tell Takanori he was still at work, it would surely turn into a lecture about working himself to death. 

“There was one but I had to feed him to the tigers.” Takanori kept their stupid joke going since binging terrible reality shows together every week over FaceTime. 

“What a shame. The last one was pretty fun to hear about.” That was a lie but Yuu knew better than to voice his feelings. He was hurt but he knew any day now his heart would just give up and stop loving Takanori so much. 

“Would you want to get together soon?” 

“Nori….”

“I don’t mean like that!” He emphasized. “I mean just hanging out. We always FaceTime but I’ve not seen you since spring.” It was October now, the days were no longer filled with heat. The sun was setting sooner by the day and the trees had lost all their leaves. It felt like a lifetime ago since the last time they saw one another.

“I know. It has been awhile.” The fear was starting to creep its way into his mind. What if he couldn’t control his actions or feelings when hanging out? 

“Do you have any hobbies I don’t know about?” 

“Eh, I fish but it’s too cold for that.” He missed it more than he cared to admit. Just sitting outside under the warm sun and not having anything to worry about for hours on end. Maybe catching a fish, maybe not, but he always returned home feeling relaxed. 

“Wow, you really are an old man.” Takanori snorted a laugh and Yuu rolled his eyes even if the other man couldn’t see. 

“Yeah, yeah. Well it’s relaxing.” 

“How about we go to an arcade? Do you like that?” 

“I love wasting my money and walking out empty handed.” Yuu sarcastically answered. 

“You are such an ass.” Takanori wanted to smack the smile off Yuu’s face. He didn’t have to see it but he knew he was laughing on the other end. 

“It’s my charm. Want to meet at one soon?” 

“Yeah, we can try out the new one by your place.”

“Sounds good to me. Just text me when and where.” 

“See you then, asshole. Don’t stay at work any longer!” Takanori nagged right before he hung up. 

“How did you know?” Yuu said even if the line was disconnected. It was as if Takanori always knew when he was overworking himself. 

Just as Yuu was finishing up his last document for the night his phone vibrated with a text from Takanori. A quick message about the time and place to meet along with a google map address attached at the bottom. Sealing the deal were several smiley face emojis before calling Yuu an asshole again. He was ungodly nervous but excited to see him again later this week. Even if it hurt his heart, he did enjoy the company. 

————

“Woah! Your hair is different!” Yuu exclaimed as Takanori approached their meet up spot at the entrance of the arcade. It was chilly out but not cold enough to be uncomfortable.

Instinctively Takanori brought his hand up to run his fingers through the dark locks of hair. It was such a change from his usual blonde that he was still getting used to it. “Yeah, I needed a change.” He ruffled the bulk of it to give some more volume. 

“You look great with dark hair.” Yuu wanted to get into his space and touch his hair. It looked so silky under the street lights. It was trimmed but still had length to it as it dusted his shoulders. He still couldn’t understand how Takanori’s hair could grow so fast. 

“Thanks, I’m getting used to it.” Suddenly tired of his blonde hair he booked an appointment with his favorite hairdresser and asked him to do something completely different. His overall mood had changed in the past few months and the blonde hair held on to too many dark memories. Black with some lighter ends seemed to fit his style. 

“It suits you. Fits the whole depressed goth look you got going on.” Yuu teased. Earning a smack on the arm from Takanori. He was dressed in all black with ripped jeans and huge boots but that didn’t mean he wanted to be teased. 

“Look who’s talking! You look like a middle aged man that wants to stay hip with that man bun!” Takanori was feisty and Yuu tossed his head back as he laughed at the remark. He knew he looked a little stupid with the bun but it served a purpose. 

“It keeps it out of my face, you little shit.” Yuu slung his arm around Takanori’s shoulder and drug him inside the arcade. He was scared if Takanori kept up his feisty attitude he’d lose his self control. Short legs struggled to keep up with Yuu’s long strides but eventually they came to a stop at the card machine. Each of them buying some reloadable point cards to use for the night. 

It had been a long time since Yuu had been to an arcade. Doing the math in his head confirmed he was still in college when he last went but couldn’t remember most of the night since his group had started binge drinking long before they started playing games. Everything around him was new and updated with neon flashing lights and obnoxious music blaring from each speaker. Where were the pinball machines? Joystick fighting games? Hell, even a skee ball machine was nowhere in sight. The classics had been tossed aside for a new generation of arcade games to step in. 

“Let’s do this!” Takanori tugged on his arm towards a shooting game. His eyes were lit up from either excitement or either the strobe lights but it made Yuu smile as he let Takanori pull him around. 

They stopped in front of a generic shoot-em-up zombie game. Not exactly Yuu’s favorite cause he has horrible aim but the serious attitude that Takanori adopted as soon as he picked up the plastic gun was enough to convince Yuu it was worth it. He grabbed the gun on the left and swiped his playing card through the reader. The opening title roaring to life as intense metal music filled their space. One by one their characters shot at zombies with a counter ticking in the corner. Takanori was an expert and never missed while Yuu fumbled desperately to reload and shoot anything in his range. Oftentimes Takanori had to provide backup and control the closest layer of zombies coming at them. 

It was an intense few minutes and Yuu was cursing as he wildly aimed his shots in hopes that something hit. Takanori was laughing at him and mocking his yelped screams as he did most of the work. A wide smile on his face when they reached the end of the tunnel with the tally count of their kills flashing on the screen. 

“87, I could do better.” Takanori pouted a little. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s better than my 21.” Yuu pointed his gun at his miniature kill number beside Takanori’s. 

“Sorry to say this but I won’t ask you to be on my post apocalyptic killing squad when the world ends.” He made a show of cocking the gun and shooting at the screen so the sounds of firing blended in with the music. 

“That’s fair.” If the world really was ending he would slow the team down and probably be the first to be bit by a zombie anyways. 

“You pick the next game.” Takanori suggested as they walked between rows of arcade games. 

They wandered about. Playing odds and ends that looked interesting. Yuu finally found a retro joystick two player fighting game that he actually felt confident in his skills. Spending most of his elementary school summers holed up inside the local arcade spending all his picked money to get a high score. 

Takanori was a sore loser as he huffed and pouted every time Yuu’s character took down his own. The flashing K.O. On the screen causing him to become more and more annoyed that he just wasn’t getting the feel of this game. Having to settle for button mashing and evading Yuu’s attacks. 

After several rounds and Takanori threatening to throw the machine, Yuu decided this victory was enough. 

“I hate this game.” He pouted. Arms crossed over his chest in the most dramatic gesture.

“You’re just mad you lost.” Yuu poked at his crossed arms making Takanori frown and smack his hand away. 

“Am not! How did you get so good at this?” Takanori slumped a bit in his seat. 

“I played it growing up.” The hours spent playing this game were some of his happiest memories growing up. Using the arcade as a way to get out of the heat. Filling up on overpriced junk food with his friends as they took turns pairing up for each round. 

“That explains it.” Takanori laughed as he stood up. “Let’s find something else that we both like.” 

They wandered some more through the aisles. Commenting on games as they passed. Trying to decide on something that would both cater to their strengths. Which was nearly impossible since their interests were parallel to one another. Takanori loved flashy games with shooting or driving while Yuu loved tactical games that required focus and strategy. 

The crowds of people inside the arcade proved that they were a bit old for this. Kids and teenagers packed to the gills around machines just itching for their turn. Fighting over who beat who’s high scores along with roaring laughter when someone failed an easy shot. Yuu felt a little uncomfortable and out of place but he couldn’t think of anywhere else he would want to be. Having Takanori next to him just felt natural. Their energies mending in a way that Yuu didn’t have to overthink his actions or his words. They hadn’t seen each other since the cafe but no one would know with the aura that surrounded them. 

Takanori stopped walking in front of a claw machine. The stuffed dogs stacked in a massive pile were overly cute with their expressions as they looked out from behind the glass cube. They were about the same size of his dog that he had growing up. It made him feel nostalgic as he smiled at the brown and black one on top that reminded him most of Koron. 

Yuu noticed how it caught Takanori’s eye. “You want one?”

Takanori shrugged his shoulder as he cocked his head to the side. “Kind of but those games are rigged. Probably spend more than it’s worth.” He could find it cheaper online anyways. 

“Let me try.” Yuu moved around Takanori to take his spot at the controls. 

“You don’t have to.” Takanori snorted a laugh as he felt this was a little ridiculous to spend money on when they could spend it on games. 

“I want to.” The other man corrected and swiped his card. The claw moved to its starting position before the clock started ticking down. Yuu moved the controls around and thought he had the perfect line up. At least until the weak claw strength slipped around the toy's body and moved back to the starting position. 

Before Takanori could say anything, Yuu had swiped his card again and was fiddling with the joystick to line the catch up just right. Tapping the “drop” button and watching the claw grab and let go of that same stuffed dog like before. It didn’t appear to be wedged between any other toys so he couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t picking it up. 

“Yuu, it’s fine. We can get one on Amazon.” Takanori tried to reason with him but Yuu grunted and swiped his card again.

It happened again and again. Yuu tried a different stuffed dog at one point with the same results. It was really pissing him off. His jaw was starting to ache from how hard he was clenching his teeth. Each swipe of his card caused his frustration to rise. Catching fish in an open body of water was easier than this but he was determined to win. 

“Yuu, it’s fine.” Takanori tugged on Yuu’s arm. He had his forehead pressed against the glass and was staring down in defeat at the plush dog that refused to stay within the metal crane’s grasp. The middle being grasped before being dropped back onto the pile of other stuffed animals. Each time he tried it would fall as the claw jerked from side to side on its way to the drop spot. 

“No, I’m going to win it.” Yuu shook off Takanori’s arm and swiped his playing card once again to dock points. He was a man of determination and would not let a stupid crane machine defeat him. 

“Yuu, really. You’ve spent enough.” Takanori tried to plead with him. Each game was 200 points and Yuu was dangerously close to not having any balance left on his game card. 

“You want that dog right?” Yuu asked, the neon red timer ticking away on the screen. 

“I mean, yeah, but not that bad.” Takanori felt nervous as the timer ticked down into the single digits. Each second passing faster than his eyes could read. 

“I’m getting it for you then.” Yuu suddenly focused all of his attention forward and rapidly moved the joystick before the timer hit zero and the claw dropped. He did not expect to get anything this time but to his luck, the metal claw snagged under the tag. Looping perfectly and pulling the stuffed dog all the way past the drop bin. 

Both of them started cheering and causing a scene in the middle of the arcade. Takanori couldn’t stop himself from slinging his arms around Yuu’s middle as they jumped around in victory. Hanging onto him as they spun around making a hell of a racket that was almost as loud as the music blasting from the speakers. 

After they settled down Takanori reluctantly let go as Yuu bent down to retrieve the stuffed dog from behind the plastic flap. Holding the toy out for Takanori to take and hold to his chest. The smile he had was the best prize of all and worth every penny. 

“I told you I would win it for you.” Yuu grinned. 

“Thank you. I love it.” Takanori blushed and hugged the stuffed animal a little tighter. 

“I’m glad.” Fuck, he just wanted to kiss him. This was hurting his heart more than he thought it would. 

“I’m sorry you spent all your points.” Takanori felt a little guilty about how wasteful his prize ended up being. 

“It’s fine, it was worth it.” Yuu instinctively put his arm around Takanori’s shoulders as they started walking. Instantly he recoiled and started to pull his arm away before Takanori grabbed his wrist to keep it in place. So close to holding hands that Yuu’s heart started beating wildly inside of his chest. He didn’t dare look down because if he looked into the other man’s beautiful brown eyes he would be a goner. 

“You ready to go?” The way Takanori lightly squeezed his wrist made Yuu’s knees weak. 

“Yeah, I think so.” He didn’t want to admit he really didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to say goodbye and not see Takanori again for months. It was hard enough to keep their distance. Now that he had a taste again it was going to be even harder to force the younger man out of his mind. 

As they walked out of the arcade the temperature had dropped since the sun had set. Taking his arm away Yuu pulled at his jacket to conserve some of his body heat. He didn’t live too far away so the walk wouldn’t be terrible but he still was more sensitive to cold than heat. Takanori pulled the sleeves of his sweater down over his hands before crossing his arms over his chest. The plushie caught between and facing out like it could actually see its surroundings. It was too cute and Yuu couldn’t help but smirk as he kept glancing to his side. 

“Yuu. Was this a date?” Takanori wasn’t sure how to ask. He was so giddy and felt like a teenager again. This was dangerous. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be feeling towards Yuu at the moment. They had started as a hook up and eased into weird friends with benefits before calling it quits. Everything felt backwards. This wasn’t how a normal couple navigates. 

Yuu wanted to answer but wasn’t even sure how. “I don’t know. Should it?” Should they consider this to be a date? They had a good time and enjoyed each other's company. Hell, he even spent about $60 just to win a stuffed dog for Takanori. 

“I would be happy if this was a date but I wouldn't be upset if it was just friends hanging out.” He wanted to give Yuu an option. He didn’t want to make the other man feel cornered. Especially with their past and how he had pushed Yuu away so often. He wanted Yuu to feel like he could decide to how proceed. 

“Nori. It’s just.” Yuu stopped walking. Staring forward like he just couldn’t get his thoughts together. He was so conflicted about all the things he felt. 

He stepped forward, unable to stop himself as he gently placed a hand on the side of Takanori’s face. His heart nearly beating out of his chest as the shorter man tilts his head into the touch. A smile formed before he looked up at Yuu with those deep brown eyes that seemed to hypnotize him to move closer. It was like his thoughts were just paused and all he could do was lean in and softly press their lips together. It felt right, it felt whole, it felt like coming home and Yuu sighed as he started to kiss Takanori a bit deeper. Taking both hands to cradle his face as they found their rhythm.

Kissing so openly on the street was a dangerous game but they couldn’t stop. The second Yuu would pull away, Takanori was quick to reel him back in. Giving it his all like he could communicate all his feelings this way. Kissing him on the jaw, the neck, anywhere he could reach before Yuu finally pressed a firm kiss on Takanori’s forehead. 

“I still like you. A lot. You know that, right?” His nerves were going haywire. 

Takanori felt his heart flutter a little but got himself to settle down. “I could have guessed.” His heart filled with so much love when Yuu smirked at his comment. 

“It’s been really hard. I still have things to work on and I don’t want to pressure you into anything.” The reality of the situation was not something pretty. 

“You’re not pressuring me.” Takanori assures. The hand not holding his stuffed dog was playing with Yuu’s thick black hair. 

“Takanori, is that really what you want? I’m not very fun anymore. I don't go out to wild parties. I don’t do hookups. I stay at home and play guitar or go and fish when the weather is nice. You don’t want that.”

“I like you for who you are.”

“I can’t handle you pushing me away again. I can’t handle being rejected like that when I am just learning how to be sober. It’s really fucking scary but I’m trying to be positive. I can’t lose you again.” 

“Yuu.” Takanori dropped the stuffed animal and put his hands on either side of Yuu’s face to get his attention. “I want to be with you, I want to be your boyfriend.” He couldn’t stop his smile from spreading. He couldn’t believe he said it but he did. He said the words he never dared to speak and it felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. His soul felt cleansed and he couldn’t shake the glee that started to bubble up. 

Yuu smiled just as wide. “Nori, you don’t know what that means to me.” Another quick kiss before he finished his thought. “I just need a little bit more time. Please.” 

“Can you make a promise for me?” 

“Anything.” Yuu pressed his forehead against Takanori’s. Their breath mingling in hot gusts as the excitement of the moment kept building. 

“Will you talk to me when things get scary? I want to help.” He sounded so sincere.

“Nori, that’s what my sponsor is for.” 

“Listen.” Takanori trailed his fingers on the nape of Yuu's neck, feeling him shiver at the touch. “I like you. We fucked up a lot but this is a second chance. I’ll wait but I need to know we are on the same page.” 

Yuu wanted to cry. He felt so much happiness from those words. The way Takanori was spilling out his feelings without any hesitation. “We are. I just need a little longer. Let me become a better man first. You deserve that.” 

“You’re already a wonderful man but I’ll wait as long as you need.” Takanori pulled Yuu back down for a kiss. Smiling against those plush lips that he missed so dearly. He missed them against his own and how they trailed down his neck and chest when they would spend the whole morning lying around in bed. Tangled up in bedsheets as they took turns worshipping one another before their guilt-filled departure. 

The idea of this being a permanent thing filled Takanori’s stomach with butterflies. He couldn’t help but laugh against Yuu’s mouth who smirked and hugged the shorter man closer to him who was so frightened to let him go. As if all of this was a fuzzy dream that he would wake up from with a deep pang in his chest to remind him of the heartache that plagued him for a year. 

“As much as I want to take you home and show you how much I missed you.” Yuu could feel Takanori quietly laugh against his chest. “I think we should end the date here. We should take it slow.” Yuu would be lying if he didn’t admit to wanting to get Takanori in his bed again but he needed to do things proper for once. He wanted to show Takanori just how much he loved and respected him by taking things slow and letting the moments naturally fall into place. They had a tendency to rush everything and skip past every important milestone. This was their chance to do things right. 

“You’re right. We will take it slow.” Takanori reached down to grab a hold of Yuu’s hand to lace their fingers together. Just the way his hand fit so snuggly into Yuu’s was a comfort he didn’t even realize he missed until it happened. It made his heart skip and he couldn’t stop the smile from curling on his lips. 

“Would you walk with me to the station?” He didn’t want it to end. 

“Of course, anything for you.” Yuu answered because he would do anything for Takanori. He’d prove his love in any task that was asked. He would fight a typhoon if that’s what this beautiful temptation wanted from him. 

Sure, he was downright terrified but something felt right. It gave his heart a little squeeze anytime he thought about Takanori being his. Properly his. Not some weird fantasy that would torment him during sleepless nights. He wanted to show that he was worthy of keeping someone close that wouldn’t end in heartbreak. This gave Yuu just the amount of hope he needed to continue his recovery and be a good partner to Takanori this time. 

The perfect first date to start them on the right track.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I give y'all the feels? I hope so. I felt these two deserved a proper date since they've been a disaster for the rest of this series. The final chapter is being edited and hopefully doesn't take as long to finish as this one did. Thank you for reading!


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